r/oneliners

▲ 12 r/oneliners

I ordered a chicken and an egg online…I’ll let you know which comes first

u/ChristFollower155 — 1 day ago

▲ 0 r/oneliners

Why is Hitlers birthday 4/20? Because he loved smoking J’s

u/Equivalent_Bid_6946 — 2 days ago

▲ 80 r/oneliners

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying "Are you even listening to me?"

u/OneTelevsion — 3 days ago

▲ 44 r/oneliners

I'd like to give a big shout out to all the partially deaf people out there.

u/OneTelevsion — 3 days ago

▲ 28 r/oneliners

The word “diputseromneve” may look ridiculous, but backwards, it’s even more stupid.

u/OneTelevsion — 3 days ago

▲ 42 r/oneliners

According to my neighbor's journal, I am devious, untrustworthy, and have serious boundary issues.

u/PabloLuapo — 3 days ago

▲ 7 r/oneliners

A lot of people don’t know that Thor had an equally powerful screwdriver.

u/simpgar — 3 days ago

▲ 44 r/oneliners

Lets all thank the guy who invented the number zero! - Thanks for nothing

u/OneTelevsion — 4 days ago

▲ 17 r/oneliners

When you have a tough choice, make sure you bring a raincoat because you're in for some nasty whether.

u/jsradford — 4 days ago

▲ 19 r/oneliners

Ladies, if your man is willing to give you the Moon and the Stars, the least you could do is sacrifice Uranus.🌜🌚🌛

u/OneTelevsion — 4 days ago

▲ 35 r/oneliners

When I was a Germanaphobe, I couldn't stop washing my Hans.

u/pacaaz — 5 days ago

▲ 7 r/oneliners

Don't lie when telling dating apps your height because you're taller standing up

u/breck — 5 days ago

▲ 47 r/oneliners

I write my r's with a single stroke to make them one line r's

u/breck — 5 days ago

▲ 68 r/oneliners

My wife told me that I can be an idiot sometimes, and I think it is cool that she gave me permission.

u/dunderthrowaway3 — 6 days ago

▲ 28 r/oneliners

I trained my cat to speak English but don’t ask meow

u/Rinsetheplates_first — 7 days ago

▲ 35 r/oneliners

This is an anagram for shit

u/dave_is_afraid — 7 days ago

▲ 129 r/oneliners

I got fired from the keyboard factory because I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

u/dunderthrowaway3 — 10 days ago

▲ 23 r/oneliners

A trumpet in the wrong hands can be a weapon of brass destruction

u/EmpireStrikes1st — 7 days ago

▲ 0 r/oneliners

I meant to explain what a tangent line is, but I veered off on a tangent.

u/2fits — 6 days ago

▲ 33 r/oneliners

I got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the "W's".

u/SugarFreeBeef — 8 days ago