r/oneliners

▲ 20 r/oneliners

People who speak in absolutes are all fucking idiots.

u/DepartmentOfBoobs — 8 days ago

▲ 97 r/oneliners

I don't know a single woman who would say hallelujah if it was raining men.

u/wtfover — 10 days ago

▲ 16 r/oneliners

I'm getting my son a time machine for Christmas this year, he fucking loved it.

u/awesome_smokey — 8 days ago

▲ 13 r/oneliners

Man rushed to hospital after cutting off his cock proving that the sword is in fact mightier than the pen is.

u/Gusto88 — 8 days ago

▲ 30 r/oneliners

The problem with cremation is that you won't get to participate in the zombie apocalypse.

u/CrazyKZG — 11 days ago

▲ 13 r/oneliners

I thought Eartha Kitt was a gardening set.

u/mingwraig — 10 days ago

▲ 34 r/oneliners

People who live in glass tea houses shouldn't throw scones.

u/Gusto88 — 11 days ago

▲ 53 r/oneliners

Raining cats and dogs this morning, almost stepped in a poodle.

u/Gusto88 — 13 days ago

▲ 11 r/oneliners

We need warning labels on videos containing Al gore

u/breck — 10 days ago

▲ 15 r/oneliners

I found a big box of frozen fish the other day. I was just about to hand it in at the police station when I realised it was a case of Findus Kippers

u/Equivalent_Parking_8 — 13 days ago