r/oneliners

▲ 13 r/oneliners

I took a Möbius strip out for a meal but it wasn't interested in a main or pudding, it just wanted one continuous side.

u/incredibleinkpen — 7 hours ago

▲ 14 r/oneliners

People claiming they don't know any anagrams for "baker", give me a break

u/incredibleinkpen — 16 hours ago

▲ 11 r/oneliners

I bought a TV set yesterday. I’m still looking in the box for the other one.

u/Potential_Ad6769 — 1 day ago

▲ 20 r/oneliners

Manslaughter sounds worse than murder but I think they just named it that by accident

u/Potential_Ad6769 — 2 days ago

▲ 26 r/oneliners

Making friends when you’re 30 is hard, because you only have a year to do it

u/Potential_Ad6769 — 2 days ago

▲ 0 r/oneliners

I just realized that the Son of God was a contortionist: Jesus Fucking Christ

u/axolotl_fart — 1 day ago

▲ 58 r/oneliners

I read about 20 books a year on average, so I know a lot about average

u/Potential_Ad6769 — 2 days ago

▲ 13 r/oneliners

You really have to hand it to blind prostitutes.

u/lostsharpie — 2 days ago

▲ 36 r/oneliners

I drive a Saturn and my buddy drives a Mercury, a few times a week we meet up and drive in circles together.

u/Sweet_Lou_needs_fuel — 3 days ago

▲ 16 r/oneliners

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, and a I just cant put it down.

u/Double_Emotion_522 — 2 days ago

▲ 50 r/oneliners

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making and now, I can’t read anything.

u/Blake4973 — 3 days ago

▲ 4 r/oneliners

A good electrician dies from alchohol, but a bad one dies from electricity

u/BreadBrrad — 3 days ago

▲ 0 r/oneliners

The worst lay I ever had was still wonderful.

u/ReadySetAdapt — 4 days ago

▲ 55 r/oneliners

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

u/yasmine_2306 — 6 days ago

▲ 16 r/oneliners

He's so narrow-minded he can use a telescope like it's a pair of binoculars.

u/overkill — 6 days ago

▲ 55 r/oneliners

I identify as an identity thief, my pronouns are you/yours.

u/AesirOmega — 8 days ago

▲ 27 r/oneliners

Twizzlers came out with a new spirit that’s just under 30% alcohol so technically it’s not liquor, just liquor-ish

u/FunkiestLizard — 8 days ago

▲ 22 r/oneliners

TIFU: My girlfriend insisted on being on top.

u/richardblack3 — 8 days ago

▲ 43 r/oneliners

The difference between roast beef and pea soup is anyone can roast beef.

u/daaave33 — 9 days ago

▲ 18 r/oneliners

I wonder who's buried in the grave of the guy that invented the old switcheroo.

u/Photog77 — 8 days ago