u/breck

They Singapore

But the same guy who discovered America also directed Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire, and wrote "The Goonies".

So the other day my wife, that old battle-axe, says my jokes have become too predictable. "Where do you get your ideas? All from that reddit you read." she says.

And at first I got a little defensive, on account of me being on the sensitive side a bit. Always criticized by my parents, nothing I did was ever good enough, that sort of thing, you know.

But then I stopped for a moment and did some reflecting, and thought "Well hold on, maybe she's got a point. Maybe my jokes are a bit repetitive. Maybe she is bored. Maybe I'm not coming to that sub for new new jokes. Maybe I've got some problems I gotta fix. Maybe I'm running from something. Something deep in my past, and I keep turning to that sub for some relief. Some relief from this agony that is life."

So I decide I gotta get to the bottom of this. I got a neighbor, right, with a PhD. Got in statistics. That's one of those math things. This guy is great with numbers.

I go over to his house, and the front door is open. And you know, it's a friendly neighborhood so I walk in, and yell out "Bill, hey Billy you home?"

And then I see him he's rolling dice on his kitchen table, calculating the numbers, and he says "hey neighbor, what's happening?"

And I tell him my situation, you know. About how I spend a lot of time reading that sub, and my wife is complaining that I never have new jokes, and how I'm wondering if she's right.

So he says, "well, let's take a look".

And he asks for my computer so he can crunch the numbers, right. On account of he doesn't have a computer at home. Only chalkboards, right. And so he goes to the sub and he takes out his calculator and he's tap tap tapping away. And he's got a pencil and he's writing down everything. Lots of equations and stuff.

And then he starts getting pale. You know, he's shaking a bit. And he puts his pencil down. And he looks me right in the eyes.

And he says, "Son, it's worse than you think. Every one of these jokes, come from a Norm-al Distribution."

We're gonna be mo-kay.

A bottle can carry a wise message, but sometimes it takes one to no one.

According to my daughter's journal I'm controlling and don't respect her privacy.