u/DavideBelinga

Kid: “Mooooom, when’s the bus coming?”

Mom: “Soon, honey. It should be here any minute.”

Two minutes later:

Kid: “Mooooom, when’s the bus coming?”

Mom: “I don’t know, honey. Maybe it broke down. They’re probably waiting for a mechanic.”

Two minutes later:

Kid: “Mooooom, when’s the bus coming?”

Mom: “The mechanic’s probably there already. They’ll fix it soon.”

Kid: “Mooooom, when’s the bus coming?”

Mom: “He probably fixed it, but now they have to inspect it to make sure everything still works.”

Kid: “Mooooom, when’s the bus coming?”

Mom: “They probably finished inspecting it. Now they just have to wash it because it’s dirty.”

The cop finally loses his shit and yells:

“Why the fuck are they washing the damn bus now?!

“Dad, how does an airplane fly?”

“I don’t know, son.”

“How does a ship stay afloat?”

“I don’t know, son.”

“Dad, how does the TV work?”

“I don’t know, son.”

“Dad, am I annoying you with all these questions?”

“No, son. If you don’t ask, you’ll never learn!”

“John and I went to the fair. We had great time, but on the way home, some guy stopped us beat John up and took all our money.”

A few months later: “We went to the fair again. It was great, but same thing happened, some guy stopped us beat John up and took all our money.

A few months later: “The fair is in town again. I’d love to go, but John doesn’t want to.”

Do you think she’s been a positive influence or did putting Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz and other medical quacks in front of millions of people did more harm than good?

Patient: “I’ll take the one covered by insurance.”

Anesthesiologist: “Alright. Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop…”

Dad: “How was school?”

Kid: “The teacher asked a question, and I was the only one who raised my hand.”

Dad: “That’s amazing! What was the question?”

Kid: “Who broke the window?”

Dad: “Damn, what happened?”

Son: “Teacher asked me what 1 + 2 is.”

Dad: “That’s 3!”

Son: “Exactly! That’s what I said. Then she asks me what 2 + 1 is.”

Dad: “Same shit!”

Son: “That’s what I said!”

I've watched a few documentaries about Detroit's revival and it's great to see. Do you notice the changes in everyday life?

Wait, yellow… actually green…

Holy shit this is awesome. Never mind, I’m keeping it!

Your son was copying off a girl in class.

How do you know?

First question she wrote "I don’t know." Billy wrote "Yeah, me neither."

I said "Nothing."

He said "But we had nothing yesterday!"

I told him "I know, but I made too much"

“Father, I’ve sinned. My coworker came over, we had coffee, talked… and hooked up.”

“That is a serious sin.”

“That’s not all. My neighbor came over. Same thing.”

“You have sinned greatly.”

“That’s not all. My friend came over. Same thing.”

The priest pauses

“Go home, my son. We’ve been talking too long already.”

Wife: “The whole town? It’s only 40 houses. I wouldn’t call it a town.”

Kid gets home. Dad: “So… what’d you get?”

The kid looks around and says: “Nice place. What’s the Wi-Fi password?”

In a lot of European countries you can see boobs in movies on national TV. In the US a boob seems more controversial than seeing smashing heads or stubbing someone

“Are you guys serious?! Three people on one bike?!”

“Three?! Oh shit… Billy fell off!”