Before the Boogey-Man goes to bed he looks in his closet to make sure that that Chuck Norris isn't in there. Before Chuck Norris goes to bed, he looks in his closet to make sure that Bruce Lee isn't in there.

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u/Ripcord2 — 1 day ago

Remember when the college football backs and receivers wore tearaway jerseys?

Those only lasted a few years. I think the NCAA made them illegal.

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u/Ripcord2 — 4 days ago

I like to watch boxing. To me, the sport seems like a ballet, except there is no orchestra, no choreography, and the dancers punch one another in the face.

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u/Ripcord2 — 7 days ago

I asked the waiter, "How do you prepare the lobster?"

He said, "I just give it to them straight and tell them that this is the end of the line."

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u/Ripcord2 — 28 days ago

A guy's wife told him that women are better than men at multitasking. So he told her to sit down and be quiet and she couldn't do either one.

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u/Ripcord2 — 1 month ago

Recipes on the internet be like: "This summer dish is so easy to make that you won't believe it. My kids love to eat it and my husband asks me to make a double recipe so that he can take the leftovers to work the next day. It uses only three ingredients which you probably already have, but it is bursting with delicious and savory flavors. If your family is like mine you will make it at least once a week. Last summer I made it for a potluck picnic and I was the only person who took home an empty tupperware...." (And if you keep reading for twenty more minutes you might learn how to make it.)

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u/Ripcord2 — 2 months ago