u/Riddle-Maker

But they mostly seemed to visit for their father, and I really need to gentrify my building.

I may need to wear the pumpkin patch

But no matter how many times I ring my bell, or get called an angel, or squawk happily when they get home, they'll never let me out of my cage and use mine.

So on my "Hickory Diggory" doc, my mouse went up the crotch

"Can you remind me what his Bar Mitzvah was celebrating again?"

They're named Russell and Jocelyn!

I mean, he has a yellow son!

It's the first time I ever experienced "two truths and a lie".

I've never even heard of a pancreas, so how bad can the cancer be?

If you go there now you can still see sections of the Mer-lin Wall

Then I heard them say "double or nothing?"

I was too busy scrolling and didn't notice I missed half the mime parade

It's a balance between making as much as possible and having her O.D. at 17 be believable.

While he found that our baby had a soft spot for the coffee table.

As the cars whiz past my back, I stare at the pole and the word "murderer" under my image.

He yelled "Urine luck!"

He was so happy winning that Jackpot.

So you see, when I broke into my ex's home, I only took what was mine.

After hours of surgeries, complications, and me being clinically dead for 3 minutes, my husband only cares about losing his Reddit streak.

I just direct the workers to knock-out the doorways so they can fit his corpse through