Is it the right time to open?
I (59F) have been w my bf (59M) for 5 years. We met in fet and have mfm and moresomes from the beginning. It's been very difficult, as most swingers know, to find another couple where there's mutual attraction on all 4 members. I have wondered about ENM as a way to find 2 other people who aren't a 'couple' but where we could all get along really well. The issue is timing. I don't know if now is the time to talk to my partner about that. He's going through a bad time now. Has a low paying (but flexible) job now and his adult daughter passed away 5 months ago and he's still grieving of course. The bigger worry I have is that my asking him to consider ENM and not just swinging is if that might make him feel worse like he can't be 'Enough'. I've also been supporting him during the past year when he's been out of work and continue to support him financially. He doesn't feel good about that. I actually think ENM would be really good for him because he doesn't really have close friends. His one childhood friend is probably his closest but lives out of state. I think opening would give him a shot at finding other relationships that would make him feel valued and cherished. My worry that he won't see it this way is because we've had such bad luck finding swinging couples. The couples we've liked have felt like the woman in that couple wasn't vibing with my bf. He feels he couldn't attract anyone else. Even though he is 6'3" and handsome he has a lot of grey hair and he thinks women look at him like an old man. (He does have a bit of a belly but he's working on it and having success with hiking and exercise) I think he is stunningly handsome and I used to book models for fashion shoots in nyc in the 90s. So I feel like I have an objective eye when it comes to physical appeal for both men and women. But he doesn't believe me. He thinks I just love him so much I think he's sexy. Anyways my question to all of u wise redditors out there is should I wait until he's in a better job position (rn he feels a little like a loser) or should I bring up opening our relationship and see if I might be right about another woman helping him feel better about himself. The grief thing is real and I know because I lost my first husband to cancer after 3 year battle. I know how grief becomes part of your fabric so there's no 'waiting for grief to be over' it never will. My reasons for wanting ENM relationship is because I love feeling like I have a cerebral equal. Someone who gets my nerdy weird full brain and has one too and will challenge me to think about other things. I love being poked into curiosity or learning and exploring. I guess I yearn for more mental stimulation than I currently get. My bf is great don't get me wrong. He's loving, kind, supportive, generous lover etc. and I wish I could help him feel better about his current "status" or situation. But I also want more mental stimulation than what I know he can give me. What do u think?