u/swedener1099

Hello, how do you genuinely deal with being a second option? I go in year 8 (sweidsh curriculum) and have friends at school, I have people I talk to, I have people to sit with at lunch. But whenever it comes to when they need company or support, im there for them but whenever I need company or support, no one's there for me. I dont have a single friend group. I have 2 friend groups one in my class and one in another. (friend group A is the one in my class, B is in another.) I try to get closer to them everyday but its just not working. I really like those 2 friend groups because I used to be very close with friend group B and we were in the same class but I also like friend group A. This might not sound that bad but the sad part is sometimes during break, friend group A would be playing football with some of the "ganster" kids in school and I am not interested in football AT ALL. Sometimes during breaks, i would just sit in a place where students can just chill and wait for lessons and stare out the window hoping for the break end fast or sometimes I would play chess with friend group B but its mainly me watching them play. If it was a group project for friend group A, they would form themselves first and then only invite me if there's extra space left. I hate it when teachers ask you to partner with people in a group project. If it is a 2 people one, I would be the last option. I try to hangout with friend group B whenever our break schedules align and wait for them before lunch breaks to eat together sometimes but it just feels like im putting too much effort and they dont give the same back. Its feels like im the only one watering the plant. Sometimes they do but its usually me looking at the schedules and waiting for them after their lessons or lunch breaks. Friend group A and B can be very good friends themselves without me in it and it honestly feels like im forcing myself to be friends with them but I cant cut them off, I need them, especially friend group B. Its honestly feels like only 1 person in friend group B cares about me and talks to me more than the rest but i idk if it will last long man. It just feels too much too handle, idk how long more do I need to endure this. Hopefully this is just temporary. The main thing is i feel like I put in too much effort and if I dont, they would eventually forget about me. Sometimes I dont even feel like im apart of these friend groups anymore. Everyone in my class has their own friends and own group, I tried to fit in and join their groups but it never works, trust me, I tried. Whenever it is a hangout from group A, it is normal for them to 1 and 1 hangour but when it is my trying to do a 1 and 1, it never works out and end up bring more than one person.

This might not sound very bad or serious but in the long term its quite hard for me. I hate being alone, I dont wanna be alone. I used to be in the same class with group friend B but got separated and is now likr this.

I am very very sorry and apologise if it might sound very confusing. Please do not attack me in the comments if it is, I apologise. Feel free to leave any comments or questions if you have any and I will try my best to answer them. Thank you, sorry.

(Extra: I only have 1 friend which I fully trust and is someone I consider as a best friend and he also considers me as one but he is in Singapore and we dont call or talk much often due to the time zone expect for every Sundays where we would game)