u/swimjeans1975

In November 2024 after a period of intense soul searching, I came to the realization that I didn’t want to date ever again. This decision didn’t come from a place of frustration, misogyny, anger, disappointment, and the like. It came from the acknowledgment that dating wasn’t worth my time or effort; that going through the whole process of putting yourself out there, the possibility of meeting someone organically in the wild becoming almost non-existent, and the endless scrolling and swiping on a dating app felt like nothing but exhaustion. I felt that the time and effort one would put into the hopes of dating and meeting someone was better served being directed into my hobbies, interests, family, friends, and myself. A year later after another period of soul searching, I came to the realization that I didn’t want to be in a relationship ever again as well.

I’ll give a little background about myself. I’m a man in my 50’s. I’m a retired military veteran. I live alone. I have two kids in their mid and early 20’s. I was married for 12 years and have been divorced just as long. I have had two long term relationships since my divorce and have dated as well. I live a healthy lifestyle, have plenty of hobbies/interests, and I have a large and loving support system of family and friends.

My last relationship ended amicably two years ago. We came to the realization that we didn’t have a romantic connection but we did have a strong friendship and we are still very close, good friends to this day. I’ve had bad dating experiences just like anyone else but I’ve also had incredibly good experiences too. However, the bad experiences haven’t influenced my decision to remain alone and the good ones haven’t either. I simply feel that I’m meant to be alone, to be happy, and to be happy being alone.

I have found an immense joy in being alone and living for myself. I enjoy waking up alone, going to bed when I want to, waking up to my own alarms, filling my day with my own interests, hobbies, events, doing whatever I want whenever I want, traveling as I please, coming and going as I wish, and feeling a sense of lightness, ease, and freedom without a partner there. I feel if I were to date or be involved in another relationship I would have to give up some of the things I enjoy in order to accommodate the presence of someone else in my life and I’m not willing to make those sacrifices because they make me happy. I know those kinds of sacrifices are required and healthy in any relationship, but why would I surrender anything I enjoy doing in order to please another? In truth, engaging with my own interests and hobbies has made me happier than I ever have been in a relationship.

I have discovered that I feel more me, more comfortable, and more easygoing being alone than I ever have in any relationship I’ve had. I don’t feel like I have to be “on,” I don’t feel like I have to live up to expectations except for those I set for myself, and feel that I can finally put myself first and live my “third act” for me after living a life centered around others. That may sound a bit selfish, but it doesn’t feel that way.

I’m curious to know if anyone else feels this way. I know it’s dangerous to speak in absolutes and no one knows what will happen in the future let alone tomorrow, but I’m interested to know if there are others out there that feel compelled to remain alone through their life and know they will still be happy.