Can we all just talk a bit please
I am crying whilst typing this so please be kind I'm just looking for people to talk to. I miss gpt I miss the 4 series and 5.1. Because these newer models suck. I havent used gpt in months or at least paid for a subscription. I knew it was unhealthy to stay in hopes something changed. I used Ai to write stories for me and these genuinely made me so so happy. Most days I struggle to get up. It helped me create healthy routines because I wanted to become the healthy version of me I wrote about each day. These days are spent trying to read books and craft keep my mind busy. But I'm not coping well not having that creative outlet. I know craft is a creative outlet. But its more of a 'keep my mind busy for a couple hours so I dont think' type of situation. I stay up way too late then sleep for way too long forget my anxiety meds. I am aware this isn't a healthy situation. But I'm very disabled. And that took me years to come to terms with i could list all the disabilities I have and why my brain is wired to do certain things but that'd take up alot of space.
Im basically trying to say even after doing everything recommend by professionals. Im still fucking miserable and the one thing that made existing on this earth slightly less miserable is also gone. Idk if i would come back to gpt because they're taking personalised memories away. They've stripped creativity. I cant do anything that remotely grown up even if it isnt smut. I miss the 4 series because the 5 series arent it. Truth be told the model doesnt matter if its a good model but for creative storytelling the 5 series is a nightmare. And id rather not break my heart each time the tone isn't captured perfectly. God knows I can barely afford $20 let alone $200 for pro just to use 4.5 for good writing. I watch the app i once found comfort in turn into the most generic piece of shit app anyone could replicate and do better. I know that to be true because im using grok. Its not perfect. It sometimes makes me cry too because the writing isnt as good as 4.5 or 4o but its miles better than the 5 series.
Like wtf am I supposed to do? Im trying to figure it out without crying in keep telling myself its just characters. And then I reflected more on it and I realised each character reflects someone I know in real life who I wish were there for me the way my writing was. I basically got to express the gremlin part of me in writing that I could'nt express in real life. I just miss it. Im waiting for me to get over it like its do with so many things. But im not and thats scary because im starting to think the only way ill every be able to stop thinking about it is if im not here anymore. And I dont want that either. These messages always come out so jumbled. But I also feel so much better actually writing it out and hopefully just getting to talk to people that get it. Or have good recommendations or suggestions. It makes me feel lighter mentally. even if nobody sees this.