I said goodbye to my best friend today. I just want people to know who he was.
Today I had to say goodbye to my Persian boy, Snowy.
He was 11 years old. I knew him from the day he was born, but started living with me two years ago. He became my whole world.
A few months ago I noticed a small swelling in his lower jaw. At first everyone thought it was related to his teeth. He had dental treatment, medications, blood work, X-rays… but the swelling kept growing.
A few days ago we finally had a CT scan, and it confirmed what I had been dreading: oral squamous cell carcinoma that had invaded a large portion of his lower jaw.
The surgical option was to remove half of his lower jaw, including the jaw joint, with the expectation that he would likely need to be hand-fed for the rest of his life. Chemotherapy alone wasn’t expected to control the disease.
For several days I agonized over what to do. I barely slept. I cried until my face hurt. I read every paper and every story I could find.
My only question was never “How can I keep him alive longer?”
It was always, “What would my boy want if he could tell me?”
Over just a few days, his condition changed so quickly.
He lost his voice. He opened his mouth to meow, but no sound came out.
He swallowed constantly.
He stopped eating dry food completely and would only eat wet food mixed with water.
He began hiding more, sleeping in places he never used to. The carrier he once ran away from became the place where he felt safest.
He still purred. He still wanted to be near me. But I could see that his world was becoming smaller.
Today I chose to let him go peacefully before his pain became even worse.
It was the hardest decision I have ever made.
I keep wondering if I acted too soon or too late, even though I know that’s part of grief.
I hope he knew how deeply he was loved.
He wasn’t “just a cat.”
He greeted me when I came home. He slept next to me. He made ordinary days feel less lonely. He lit up my every day. My apartment already feels unbearably quiet without him.
If you’ve been through losing a pet, I’d love to hear about them.
Tell me their name.
Tell me your favorite memory.
I’d like tonight to be about remembering the animals who changed our lives.
Run free, Snowy.
I will love you for the rest of my life.