Sexual 8?
I’m trying to break a cycle and just ended a 5 year relationship (engagement) with a 1 core. When relationships progress and get stagnant and the pursuing stage just doesn’t continue I feel so bland. I keep looking for a fix elsewhere, end up emotional cheating or just getting bored. Once my partner starts to succumb to my will I just feel like there is nothing exciting anymore there. But when they push me to be something I’m not I can cut off as well. I can’t do with doormat partners or dominant partners. I want an equal but I feel like I would fuck that up. I had the deepest bond I’ve ever experienced with a person in my life, I felt loved and secure but bored out of my mind, constantly criticized, exhausted and pushed to be something I’m not. I got so tired I cut it off in one fell swoop not thinking too much about it, then the regret came once I didn’t have anything to do and I started wondering if I rushed the breakup or if I’ve fumbled, will I regret this etc. I’ve been doing workouts, moving my body so I don’t have to think, watching exciting shows or whatever. I’m in therapy but I can’t even be vulnerable with my therapist about some patterns I know I need to fix. I’m trying to be single and work on myself but I feel so strange. I have nothing to do everything feels so still and eerie. I can’t sit still metaphorically but also kind of physically. I feel like something should be happening but nothing is happening. How do I learn what to do with this feeling? Have you faced this feeling before, what did you do?