Something flipped in my husband and he's totally different, refuses meds
Husband was involuntarily admitted to a psych ward a couple weeks ago during a manic episode. I'm the one who called the cops (which I didn't know you're not supposed to do because that will make things worse
... looking back I wish I hadn't because he constantly brings it up and blames me after I apologized profusely and worked so hard to make sure he got out of the ward asap). At the time I didn't know he was bipolar; last year he went to a ward (his coworker called that time, he had a pleasant experience that time) and they diagnosed him with bipolar but he thought it was wrong and later he got diagnosed with ADHD with depression and got put on Adderall. He has since admitted to just saying what he knows the doctors want to hear to get the type of meds he wants.
Anyways at the most recent ward they also diagnosed him as bipolar and our marriage counselor was saying his actions sounded so much like that. He said he'd puke up whatever pills they gave him. When he got out and came home, he was so paranoid and triggered being here, he couldn't sleep, was constantly on edge, would start yelling and throw things. Our 5yo daughter said she was scared so I took her and our 3yo son out and called my husband's mom, asking if she could encourage him to go stay with her (she had offered while he was in the ward). He agreed to go, actually said he needed to go, that he needed to be with his mom and sister who was also there.
Well things weren't what he was expecting I guess, now he's mistrustful of his sister and mom, says he doesn't trust any woman, doesn't want any type of medication or treatment or therapy, just wants to go to Mass, doesn't want us women to send him links to places that can help, keeps yelling at his mom and sister and even me on the phone.
I feel like he is a totally different person than even half a year ago. There definitely started to be a slight change, especially when he got on Adderall, but after this whole experience it's like a flip has switched and he's raging at everyone, only thinking of himself. He keeps saying that I kicked him out and am holding the kids hostage from him but we both agreed that he needed space from me and also I said I don't want him back until he gets proper treatment so he's holding himself away.
I just feel like I've lost my best friend. I've already made the decision to divorce, am planning on bringing it up in marriage counseling tomorrow. I wanted to have one last normal conversation with him before he hates me forever so I called him but even that turned into him yell-lecturing me. I don't know what happened to the man I loved.
There definitely were little hints and signs of bipolar all throughout our marriage but I've no experience with it so I didn't catch it, just thought it was regular depression. And there were many many issues before all this went down but they all felt fixable with counseling. This feels like there could be no real return. Like in "The Idiot" how Myshkin loves Natasya, who runs from him then returns, then runs, that he loves her not in a romantic way, just in a way that he pities her. I pity my husband and love him in that way. I want him to get well. But I can't be married to him anymore. And it's crushing me.
Tl;Dr husband is like a totally different person and refuses medication. I am incredibly sad and lonely, he's my best friend and he's gone now. I've made up my mind to divorce and am struggling with the reality of losing him forever.