
"Fire"works
There were three things I had learned since starting X-Factor. One, people would do absolutely anything for a good picture. Two, apparently everything I wore needed to be approved by at least six different people. And three, nobody ever listened when I said something was a bad idea.
First example being the giant, expensive, definitely not fireproof backdrop behind me.
"Okay, first of all, I specifically said I wanted pink!"
I gestured toward the enormous silver-and-white display behind the photographer, complete with enough reflective surfaces to blind a small army.
"This is giving dentist's office. Where's the sparkle? Where's the personality? Where's the drama?"
The photographer pinched the bridge of his nose. Someone from the production crew hurried over to adjust a light while a stylist fussed with the collar of my jacket for what had to be the hundredth time. I swatted their hands away and checked myself in the nearest reflective surface.
"I swear, if one more person tells me to look natural, I'm gonna start charging them for the privilege of looking at me."
I stepped onto the marked spot, popped my hip, and flashed the camera my best celebrity smile.
"Okay! Let's make some magic, people!"
The lights brightened. The camera clicked. I snapped my fingers, sending a little burst of pink and gold fireworks into the air behind me.
Except the fireworks didn't fizzle out.
One of them struck the edge of the backdrop.
There was a tiny, almost polite little POP.
I blinked.
"...That's probably fine."
The corner of the backdrop caught fire.
"OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"
Suddenly, everybody was moving. Someone yelled for a fire extinguisher. Another person started dragging equipment out of the way. The photographer abandoned his camera to rescue a rack of designer clothes, while I scrambled backward, waving both hands frantically as I tried to smother the flames with a shower of harmless sparks.
"NOBODY PANIC! THIS IS A CONTROLLED SITUATION!"
The backdrop collapsed.
Straight into a lighting rig.
The lighting rig toppled into a table full of makeup, sending brushes, powder, and approximately four thousand dollars' worth of cosmetics flying across the floor. A sprinkler system kicked on overhead, soaking the entire set in about three seconds flat.
I stood there, absolutely drenched, staring at the wreckage.
My hair was plastered to my forehead. My jacket was ruined. Mascara was running down my face, and somewhere behind me, a camera was still taking pictures.
Click.
I slowly turned toward it.
"...You better not be getting my bad side."
Another flash.
I pointed at the photographer.
"DELETE THAT!"
He lowered the camera.
I looked around at the ruined set, the scattered equipment, and the stylist who appeared to be reconsidering every career decision they'd ever made.
Then I looked back at the camera, forcing the biggest, fakest smile I could manage.
"And THAT, everybody, is why you hire professionals for your X-Factor photoshoots!"
I paused.
"...Which we are absolutely doing next time."
I brushed a clump of wet hair out of my eyes and glanced at the smoldering remains of the backdrop.
"Can we at least get a picture with the fire extinguisher? I think there's a brand deal in there somewhere."