u/tattedquilter1969

I'm sure this has been brought up before but let's discuss the good stuff.

Some that come to mind

1. They have friends that they regularly spend time with.

2. They don't expect me to center my world around them and they don't center their world around me.

3. They can have calm conversations about things.

4. They don't adhere to strict old fashioned gender roles. I understand some people differ and prefer traditional.

5. They want to get to know me as a person. I'm not just a "cool" person to show off (I'm really not that cool anyway). I'm not just a body that they admire (nothing wrong with someone liking my body, but there has to be more).

6. They can pay their own bills.

7. They like cats and aren't allergic. (It's not their fault if they are allergic, but I have cats)

8. They have their own interests and respect that I have mine. I would add that we both should encourage each other to enjoy our interests/hobbies.

9. They are the type of person who has learned to look at themselves and take accountability when needed. It is something I learned how to do... Not perfectly, but I have learned that I have to face my flaws and own to to things. It helps me be a better person.

10. Genuinely a nice person, but not a pushover.

Recently I posted about a man that made some comments after our second date that sounded promising, and possibly like love bombing.

I didn't read it as love bombing, but did understand why other people did or at least possibly love bombing.

Well, I've seen him 5 more times and things are going well. He really isn't showing typical love bombing type behavior. He isn't acting like I'm the center of his world. He isn't future faking. He isn't putting on a front as far as I can tell.

It's still way too early to know much. I really do enjoy spending time with him.

His comment a few weeks ago about being about to be himself is actually something I feel with him also. I don't feel awkward around him. I usually do feel awkward for quite a while.

I'm hopeful.

1. Your value isn't determined by how big your circle of potential dating prospects you have UNLESS you give it the power to determine your value.

2. Your value is not determined by your looks. I'll say that again. Your value is NOT determined by your looks. IF you give your looks the power to determine your value, then they hold that power.

3. Having a small circle of possible dating partners is not a bad thing. It can actually be a good thing.

4. Your value isn't lowered with your rejected, unless you allow yourself to define your value with that metric.

5. Not every "rejection" is an actual rejection of you for personal reasons. It could be that the person is interested in someone else. It could be that they just flaked out. However, rejection can hurt, but truly we can navigate rejection with a healthy mindset.

So, it was date #5 and things are going well. He just ordered food delivery at his place and we watched a movie and then went to nap. Yes, it was a naked nap. No, we did not just sleep.

Anyway, I was quite gassy today. I'm trying to just let out very little at a time. Thankfully it wasn't smelly gas. However, the two times I did manage to doze off, I woke up because I was farting. This, was when he was the big spoon of course.

Anyway, it didn't seem to faze him. Then we watched another movie and I'm trying so hard not to fart more. I need to figure out what particular food made me so gassy.

Yoo hoo for date #5 and my nervous system is calm. I don't know where it's going .. Yet, but I am enjoying time with him.

This feels so good to me. That's not the only thing he had said. He said he feels like he can be himself for the first time. He said he feels comfortable.

It's still early on, but I'm cautiously optimistic. Holding his hand feels natural. His hugs feel safe and warm. His kisses are soft and passionate without being comically absurd (I've had kisses like that). Our conversations flow and go off on tangents. On the first date we talked about cars, the Titanic, music, the dating scene, modern technology, etc. We had lots of smiles.

Second date...I tripped in front of him. Thankfully I did not fall. I chuckled. I can be clumsy. We watched a funny movie and just had a wonderful time.

Anyway...😊

Everyone should be able to define their sexual boundaries. In this post I'm focusing on casual versus committed and ethical non-monogamy, etc.

My personal boundaries are...

1. Casual sex is fine if it's safe AND I'm not wanting a serious relationship with anyone.

2. If a serious relationship is my ultimate goal, having casual sex is off the table.

3. Once I'm even slightly interested in one man, I will focus on him and not see others. This can be after one date or sometimes it takes a few more dates to know if I'm interested. ***This does not mean I require him to only see me, nor does it mean long term commitment at that point. It simply means I only feel comfortable pursuing possibilities with one man at a time.***

4. I am monogamous. I can see the validity of non-monogamy, but I know myself well enough to know it's not valid for me.

5. I do not believe in strict timelines. I believe it can be first date or take multiple dates for sex to happen.

I have tried to go outside my personal comfort zone, and it gives me a huge amount of anxiety in the end. If I'm very interested in one man and then casually interested in another and have sex with the casual interest, it causes me to feel conflicted. I am aware that without being exclusive, that I have the "right" to have sex with whomever I want. I just don't handle that well.

I am not referring to being deep into dating either one or already being official. I'm referring to meeting two different people online and being drawn to both.

I've never had this happen before and I don't multi date. By that, I mean I don't pursue relationships with more than one. So I will have to decide.