does anyone have any helpful quotes or perspectives to help accept being misunderstood/other people having wrong perceptions about you? if zhuangzi or laozi said anything about that their words would probably bring me comfort and clarity.
i'm just going through a friendship breakup right now.
last image shows front and back.
i made the pattern moon lattice, at least at first. it's fun how often with card weaving i'll make an mistake and then like that more and decide to roll with it.
what i don't understand is why the pattern was on the underside at the beginning, but luckily on my board loom i could simply turn the weaving around.
one person made a tool that they'll share when they're ready, which is what i used to put all the tiles together into this image. each panel is 21x21cm, so its a bit big :3
there are currently 4 tiny cities: Chan-ge, Lajar, Maldad and Yeast.
hi! my fawn response is a lot better than some years ago. ive been to therapy and yada yada generally coping well. and i am currently trying to learn to criticize people. its tough, i usually feel strongly that it's forbidden. someone could be saying something obviously racist and i may not be able to say anything about it, because i know that telling people that they're being racist tends to be very ill received and they're probably gonna yell at me or something. im at a point where i genuinely understand that yelling is just words and while it can ruin my day it's unlikely to be an actual danger. but my body responds strongly regardless. i guess my real question might be how to stay calm even when someone is stressing me out?
im actually at this interesting midpoint where sometimes my mind can be calm and clear but my body is shaking and feels really bad. i have pots and i feel like - perhaps adrenaline related? - sometimes when i'm jumpy and get shocked, my mind recovers quickly but my heart does some bullshit with tachycardia and shortness of breath and overwhelming dizzyness. i do my breathing exercises but it takes a while to come back down. maybe that's something i just need to accept as how it is right now. but still, i would like to be able to criticize people sometimes and endure a confrontation without nearly fainting, or freezing up so bad that i lose the ability to speak.
i believe that i was naturally ambidextraus but was forced to learn to write with the right hand only, and also generally had use of the right hand encouraged. i probably have dyspraxia and it took me many years of effort to acquire the dexterity that i now have to draw, and write legibly. but i guess my question is: if the main way to find your naturally dominant hand is to ask which one feels less clumsy, but clumsy is the natural state, how would one tell?
a few years ago i was surprised to find out that despite feeling very clumsy with my left, that hand throws a frisbee way more accurately than my right hand with its unearned confidence.
also this matter is very emotional for me for some reason. smells like old wounds. more introspection is required.
fae (28 NB) doesn't drink enough water. fae claims to hate water and prefer apple juice but fae doesn't drink enough apple juice either.
so whenever fae visits, three of us (23NB, 25NB, 27NB) harrass faer by bringing beverages and giving reminders. it's fun how fae pretends to get mad.
it's gotten to the point where the picture of our chat is an image i found online where 3 demons are forcing a girl to drink water.
is our relationship doomed?
(this post is not serious, but all details are true.)
i am on the long journey of healing my complex trauma. i have gotten decent at managing my own emotions, communicating to resolve conflicts and setting boundaries. i've learnt a lot from the founding texts but a conflict with a friend this month made me realize that one of my interpretations is holding me back.
despite massive progress i still ocasionally have the issue of seeing my own needs and feelings as an obstacle to be overcome. in the attempts at conflict resolution with the friend i constantly took space away to calm down and tried to meet them where they are at, which was really frustrating when they didn't meet me where i was at - and to some degree that could have been helped if i had explained where i was at from the beginning, maybe even before trying to adapt to their needs. anyway, i'm not looknig for advice with this situation, i have irl friends for that.
what i am asking is: how can i square learning to value and respect my own needs with being adaptable? i have some idea of how to set boundaries without using force - you decide how you will act in response to a boundary crossing by creating more distance to the person to keep yourself safe. if i dont want to hug, i simply take a step back and raise my hands to say no nonverbally while also creating a comfortable distance. i used to ask for permission and then wonder how to force people to care about my needs - that doesn't work and it's hard and there is an easier way.
but yeah: in a situation where both me and the other person have conflicting needs, what would be a helpful interpretation of daoist teachings that i'm unlikely to interpret as telling me to swallow my own needs to "be adaptable" - tricking me into forcing myself to be someone i'm not? because of my trauma i tend to interpret things to mean the same abusive ideas i was raised with where i always had to fulfill other people's wants and to repress my own needs, feelings and desires to the point of self harm. are there specific chapters or texts about this kind of situation?
(i have read the zhuangzi once and i'm halfway through the dao de ching. nei yeh is next on my list. i can barely read so it can't be anything to long - i'm only reading these as audiobooks.)