u/tayloracle

Anyone else struggling with holidays?

I know the 4th of July isn’t exactly the most sentimental holiday, but man, I’ve been 50/50 co-parenting for 8 years and this part has not gotten one bit easier. We alternate this holiday every year, and this year I don’t have my girls.

I live far from most of my friends and family so I can stay close to my kids. Most days I can manage the isolation, but holidays without them just hit different. It’s like the loneliness gets louder.

Anyone else deal with this? How do you get through it?

I’m looking for practical wisdom from divorced/co-parenting fathers who have lived something like this.

I have 50/50 custody on paper. My daughters are 15 and 17, and they are my life! I’ve been single for years, and with Bay Area housing costs on one income, I’m currently renting a room near them instead of having a full place where they can realistically stay with me.
Not living with them breaks my heart, but I see them and do all the things on my days.

Their mom has the more established housing situation, and the girls’ school, friends, activities, and routines are rooted near her area.

The problem is that staying near them also keeps me in a place that is a terrible fit for my own work opportunities, support system, social life, dating life, mental health, and future stability.

It feels like a catch-22. Proximity to my daughters keeps me in a place where I can’t seem to build stability, but the places that might help me become stable could reduce my day-to-day proximity to them.

For dads who have faced something like this, especially with older teens:
How did you think about staying close vs moving somewhere healthier?
Did proximity matter most, or did your own stability eventually matter more?
How did you stay connected to your kids while rebuilding your own life?
Were there partial solutions I may not be seeing?

Just joined the group. Looking forward to meeting others who have walked this lonely, emotionally taxing road. Single Dadding is no joke. Thank you!