Nervous Rambling + how do you keep yourself sane while waiting for surgery?
I was recently diagnosed with early endometrial cancer at 36 years old. None of this was where I thought it was going to end up when I begged for new tests after years of just ‘putting up with it’. But I guess that’s what everyone says when they hear it’s cancer right?
I’m still trying to wrap my head around ‘it’s highly treatable and survivable!’ and also ‘it’s fucking cancer?!’ 😭
I’m getting a hysterectomy, leaving my ovaries if all is good, a week from now and I am SO nervous. When I had my consultation appointment at first my doctor stressed on me still being young and that we could monitor it with the new IUD I had amongst my biopsy. It was kind of infuriating? Like I was looked as a baby maker first? A woman who life is completely derailed by her current health second?
A part of me struggles with ‘well is all this my fault?! Did I do something wrong?’ I don’t drink or smoke, never have. But I am overweight and it has been a struggle that I have tried against again and again… Is it my fault? 😵💫
The last year has been so horrible trying to manage my health. My iron is terrible, my mental health is a struggle, I am constantly in pain, my migraines are constantly multiple day attacks with severe pain. And everyday there was a chance of me completely bleeding through everything… Which I did twice in public 😭 I’m not living my life AT ALL.
I went into my appointment informed. I knew a hysterectomy was kind of ‘end goals’ regardless of timeline. I had settled with myself a while ago I didn’t want children. But it’s still daunting regardless.
I’m nervous how it will all go. How I will feel after it all. And I am terrified of what the next step will be. Whether I beat cancer through surgery or if there is a chance, through final staging, they realise I need further treatment.
Honestly I feel a bit childish, because amongst all this all I wanted was my mum… I have a strong chosen family who loves me dearly. And I would not trade that for anything but god do I just want the support of a parent to run to and cry… I have been no contact with my mum for 7 years due to an abusive childhood. But god does this all fuck with you. I was a survivor already, and now I have to add cancer survivor onto it lol
Some rambling really. Any tips for keeping sane while the hours tick down to surgery next week would be amazing. Or even how you felt and looked after yourself post-surgery… Even better if you have amazing improvement that I can hold onto as goals lol
Regardless, whether just started or post-treatments, I hope your journey is gentle with you 🧡 Hang in there