I miss reading and playing video games
After two years of infertility, a miscarriage, a difficult pregnancy with preeclampsia, and a traumatic birth where I almost lost my baby during an emergency c-section, I finally have a daughter. She is almost four months old and I love her so so so so much. She is perfect in every way.
But I’m tired. I wished for her for so long so I feel awful for saying it, but sometimes I miss when it was just me and my husband. I miss playing video games and reading for hours on end. I miss traveling and having friends over for drinks. I miss just rotting in bed and sleeping in. But most of all I miss being me, not just mom.
My husband is great and gives me breaks all the time, but if I’m away from her for too long I feel selfish and like a terrible mom. It feels like I’m abandoning her.
I hate feeling this way. Even typing this out makes me feel so much shame. I love her. I love her so much that I sometimes cry thinking about it and I don’t regret having her for a single second. But I just didn’t realize how hard it would be for me to give up certain parts of myself to be her mother.