Called out my bf for condoning his cheater best friend
Context: Our argument started bc we were discussing his childhood best friend. They are both European, btw. This is someone he has years of deep history and brotherhood with. The issue is that this friend’s moral compass is incredibly flawed. He openly disrespects women, treats cheating as if it's completely acceptable (my bf knows he is cheating on his gf), and holds this twisted double standard that it's fine for men to be unfaithful bc "men can separate sex from love, but women can't.”
My boyfriend doesn't agree with these actions. In fact, he tells me that he always calls out his friend and tries to talk sense into him when they hang out. But to me, that isn't enough anymore. He calls him out, but at the exact same time, he tolerates him.
This has opened up a much bigger, heavier argument between us about friendship, integrity, and values. My boyfriend insists that bc they have been through everything together, he could never consider ending the friendship or walking away over his friend's personal life. He views the cheating and the misogyny as a separate lane that doesn't affect their loyalty to each other. But I told him that by continuing to tolerate this guy, acting as his normal best friend, and giving him a safe audience to vent his toxic logic, he is passively condoning it. For me, true accountability means showing someone that their actions have real world consequences. When a person realizes they can treat people horribly but still keep the respect and presence of friends in their life, they feel safe to keep doing it. I learned firsthand that sometimes, tolerating someone’s bad behavior doesn't help them, it just keeps them comfortable in their toxicity.
My boyfriend is a genuinely good, honorable guy, and I know his intent is just to be a loyal, supportive brother. But I feel like he is mistaking tolerance for kindness. It honestly worries me that he is willing to compromise his own standards to keep someone with such a massive lack of integrity in his inner circle.