u/that_grimboi

[IAMBIC PENTAMETER]

As I had navigated games of love,

A pawn to many, blurry wounds remain.

Convinced myself that love, a lack thereof

To be alone is better, lacks of pain.

A heart of gold encased in concrete walls;

The hatchet shall think not what lumber cries.

I better mask mine self, away from all,

But love from you had taught me otherwise.

Embraced my heart, or what remained in shards,

The muse had fallen for her writer's eyes.

Thou brightened life afar, like shining stars.

I follow thee throughout life's lows and highs.

Thou really think so? I am thy forevermore?

Then so be it, I will indeed be yours.

[ART BY: nothinlasts4ever]

Because I love you.

As I write this, you are nearing your first REM sleep cycle. Although, I wish it was me in your arms instead of that pillow.

You understand me like no other, at this point, I've probably said so many things to you that no one else knows that, you might as well know me as good as I know myself. Hell, sometimes you've proven that you know me better. I love you. I really do. ❤︎

From the moment I first got to know you, I knew there was something special about you. You were empathetic, understanding, loyal, truthful, basically any traits I wanted from someone I'd let take my hand. You make me feel so free, a feeling that no one else has ever made me feel. For as long as I've lived on this planet, I knew there was something wrong with me. My psychologist even confirmed it. It's always been hard for me to love anyone. It always felt like every small thing could suddenly mean the end of the world. I break down so easily. My past lovers have only ever wanted me because I'm loyal and empathetic. They always just walk out as soon as I start showing how patient you need to be to love me, to always be there when I'm crying, to always hold my hand when I feel like nothing, to always talk to me when my attitude has been off, and to always ask what's wrong when I start getting argumentative.

You were different.

It always felt like every time I communicate with you about something that's bothering me, we're going in the right direction. You're always willing to be so patient and work things out with me. I have never felt so safe and cared for before. I'm really so used to being neglected that I really anticipated you leaving every time I'd tell you what's in my mind. But you didn't. You never did. You talked it out with me, held me, reassured me, made sure all these thoughts in my head would shut the hell up. My insecurities that I've held for so long, gone just like that.

A mental illness is a plague. It's kept a grasp on me since I was little. I always felt abnormal. I always felt like the black sheep. But with you, it all somehow goes quiet. With you, it feels like I can finally control my mind again. It feels like I'm not just a bystander in everyone's lives, you make me feel like I'm actually worth something.

Yes, I would let you carve your name into my back with a blade.

Yes, I would let you brand me with searing metal.

Yes, I would surgically swap eyes with you to prove to you that I only have eyes for you.

Yes, I would let you chain my ankle to your bed so I'd always be your possession.

Yes, I would let you chop my hand off so you can hold hands with me all the time.

I'd let you do anything to me. I've shown you that your efforts aren't unreciprocated, my love. ❤︎

I once told off that 'friend' of yours because I could see that you were stressed out by how much help she constantly needed from you. Now, you haven't heard from her in weeks, right? Oops. You only need me, right? It doesn't matter because I've seen you smiling a lot more ever since that friend of yours stopped interacting with us both.

I've seen you at your lowest points, heard your darkest secrets. None of it ever turned me off or made me want to leave. You're human just like me, just like the rest of us. I know you can't bottle anything up forever. You know I'd always listen. Who cares about everyone else? Right now, it's only me and you. Right now, all that matters is that you tell me what's bothering your mind and I'm listening and you feel better by the end of it. Then we can just talk all night until you fall asleep. Your sleepy whispers, your soft yawns, it's like music to my ears.

I really, really need you.

I've already lost so many people in this life. I've already seen whom I called friends slowly lose interest and replace me with someone else. I've never seen anyone that appreciated how much I do for them until you came along. It really feels like anything I tell you, you'd just listen and reassure me that it's alright. It really feels like anything I want you to stop doing because it's bothering me, you take note of it. I've seen it before, I've seen that you really do love me this time. ❤︎

Keep looking at me like that. Keep looking at me like I'm simultaneously your greatest treasure and the most vulnerable little animal you've ever held. You have no idea what it does to my head when you look at me like that. People tell me that I should have more pride, that I should play hard-to-get, but I'm not like that at all. A simple look from you is all it takes for my train of thought to halt so easily.

For once, it feels like I'm doing things right when I talk to you.

For once, it feels like I'm finally healing and moving on from everything else.

Losing you means losing a large part of myself.

Saying that "you're my everything" is the biggest understatement I could make. You saved me. You mended me. You fixed me. You are the reason I could fully be myself today. I am useless without you. I have no use if you ever stopped loving me.

I love you. ❤︎

I love you way more than this heart could take, and I cherish you more than how sunflowers look forward to the sun rising despite how long the moon's company lasts. ❤︎

Here I am again, writing about you and silently loving you. You really must've used a spell on me because I really have never thought about someone this much in a while. I'm really so obsessed over you, I really would let you scoop me right up and take me wherever you want me to be. I haven't seen you be jealous in a while, it would be quite a treat seeing you be all possessive over me.

We have such different ways of expressing love, you and I. My fantasies differ from yours so much. Whereas you just want to cuddle me softly and make sure all my worries melt away, all I imagine is you intensely kissing me until I'm out of breath and I don't have the strength to escape your bed. Maybe there is a way to fulfill both of what we want, your happiness matters much much more than mine anyway. I wonder if you ever think of me and blush at the sound of my voice calling your name. I wonder if you ever want to just show up unannounced to my house just so you can have me all to yourself. You're really so cute when you're needy and wanting of my attention, it really is like you're a different person from the usual personality you put up.

I underestimated how smitten I'd really get over you. I thought you'd be like the rest of them, only being here for me when there's good times but leaving me behind during bad times. How wrong I was. You stayed. You stayed through it all just for me, pulling me to your side and making me all happy and content. Even at times when I was not acting like myself and being so confusing and irritable, you remained patient like I was your everything. You're always so patient. ♡

I wonder what it's like having to put up with me everyday, and I wonder what you see in me for you to love me this much and care for me this much. I've never really been loved this much by a partner before, can't you tell? Well, I guess you can, you saw how easy it was for me to surrender to your embrace once I felt the warmth. It really feels new, but it feels right. You really like holding my hand, don't you? Though, I guess I can't really say I don't like it as much as you do. I always just calm down immediately as soon as you do that. I'm so easy when I'm with only you.

Am I really worth it in your eyes? Do you mean it when you say loving me is as easy as breathing? Oh, you. Flattery won't get you anywhere..... aha, well maybe it did. ♡

I have no idea how I lived for this long without your love, it really does feel like my view on life has changed for the better. You make me better. You saved me. You really saved me.

I love you. My heart is yours, and my heart has never been happier until it was in your hands.

It's hard to not think about you everyday, especially after what you said. You're such a complex person, and I could only be so understanding. More than friends and more than lovers, you said you loved me so much you can't put a label on us. Though, a part of me still craves hearing you call me your partner one day. I know your past, I know you've had horrible experiences with friends and that's why you value platonic bonds. I guess it just pains me a little when I see you talk to your other friends first before me when I'm the one who drops everything and ignores everyone else the moment you call my name. I suppose all I really want from you is to give only me attention even for one day, as unrealistic and needy as that sounds. I'm selfish when it comes to you, I know that, it's just that I've never really had quite a special someone like you who actually tries to put up with me and give me love and attention instead of throwing me away once I show my flaws.

I should just be grateful you give me attention and tell me you love me a bunch of times, you're already doing a lot more than any of my previous partners anyway. Sometimes, I even imagine you being mean to me for no reason and there's such a strange pleasure to that pain even though I'd probably not actually want it to happen in real life. I just want you to be happy is all, I know I can only really be happy if there's a smile on that face. A smile on those lips that kissed me so much I got all breathless and pathetic under you. Just let me be pathetic with you, just let me follow you around like a pet and constantly be hugging your arm. Just let me be constantly wrapped around your little finger and constantly be under your spell. It's always been difficult to earn my trust, all my friends know that. However, giving you my trust was so easy, it was like I've known you for a lot longer. Do you remember the first time I vented to you? You treated me really well, hugging me and all that.

I wonder how much more difficult life would be without you. I wonder how much more I would've cried alone silently without having seen your sweet messages calling me your baby or your dearest.

I've already imagined you and me at the altar of a church getting wedded. I bet you'd look so good in a tuxedo, carrying me around and cutting our cake while I sneak a kiss on your cheek. I wonder what ring size you are, and I wonder if you've already figured out mine.

I love you. I love you more than my heart can take, but there is a comfort to that bleeding.