u/theCatAlvarado

I started on Abilify about 4 months ago after having some conflict with coworkers over the past year, which once I looked back at the situations, I realized I was misreading things. My psychologist suggested it, and said it might also help regulate the insomnia I'd been having for over a year.

Since I started abilify:

1. It fixed my insomnia completely. I started getting sleepy at 10pm like a functional adult instead of 3am like I had been
2. My performance at work improved because I was able to calmly communicate and not get triggered by coworkers.
3. My social media use is down because I'm not as obsessive about things in general
4. I watch less TV and I read books instead. This is a habit I had wanted to build, and here I am actually doing it, which is wild. I used to watch SO MUCH TV.

I was really scared of starting it because there are so many horror stories. It probably helps that I'm only on 2.5mg a day.

And very little weight gain for me btw. Like 5 lbs, but I don't even think it's from the Abilify.

To anyone who grew up in purity culture, I hope this gives you a smile today:

I grew up catholic initially, and then my mom became Pentecostal and dragged my sister and I into it at the height of Bush era purity culture. I got indoctrinated with all the "Don't be a half eaten chocolate box" nonsense. Naturally, I got married at 19 years old. Despite doing what I was taught, I ended up in an emotionally abusive marriage with someone who would threaten to hurt themselves if I tried to leave, and eventually escalated that to threatening to hurt others.

Eventually, I did leave, and surprise surprise, he didn't follow through on the threats, and I was set free, but also fired from the worship team (it was volunteer, but still it's like getting fired). That entire experience was so traumatizing that I didn't really have a real boyfriend again for 5+ years. Purity culture left me feeling like crap because I wasn't a virgin anymore.

Fast forward two years from the divorce, I started doing stand up comedy and I'd talk about the experience on stage. Fast forward 13 years from that to today: I'm about to film my first comedy special in Portland. It's about purity culture and I'm using stand up to tell the story and heal people with the message. I've been touring it everywhere from LA to Pittsburgh to Sydney, Australia. I hope this doesn't sound like a brag because it's not meant to be.

Our trauma and healing journeys leave us so much stronger on the other side. It's like climbing up a mountain, and then we can turn around and help the next person up those last few steps up that mountain. Don't give up. Keep healing. Keep doing the things that bring you joy and know that you are worthy no matter what the 40 year old youth pastor wearing a puka shell necklace told us at winter camp.