Need to rant... Bad relationship with my mom
LT-Lurker, FT-poster, I guess. tl;dr Wedding planning is going well, but my already bad relationship with my mom is unsurprisingly depressing me.
My partner is from the western US, and I'm from NY. All my family is in FL, and our friends are all over. We decided to hold a quasi destination wedding in the western US (1 hour away from fiance's family).
My mom has been acting like she's planning this whole wedding top to bottom, and also is 0% involved. She keeps saying she wants to give us money and wants to help, but she refuses to even pick out her own dress when I ask her (with guidance attached, but literally she could pick whatever she wants I don't care). My fiance's mom graciously gave us a large sum of money, no questions asked or begging requested. My mom loves to feel needed and loves to play the martyr. She has been "offering" money since last year, and insisting that I tell my fiance's family that she and my dad are paying for things, and has not gifted us anything. I'd rather her not give us money (I make more than my parents combined), but I'd also like for her to stop pretending to offer and stop creating that impression to our families.
She had a fight with me last year about not having a gift registry (again, since this will be a destination wedding for many guests). Now she's telling everyone not to send gifts like it was her idea, i guess since she finally came to the same conclusion after our Trump supporting family was aghast at such high flight prices 🙃 She is already giving me the guilt treatment at "forcing guests to travel" (nevermind that I'm subsidizing their hotel rooms by 75% - which she hasn't put together lmao because she just thinks I got a good rate).
I asked her to come with me to try on the dress I was going to pick (which she offered to pay for lol). The shop was a block from her office in NYC. I picked a day she always comes into the office to make it convenient for her. She told me she was too busy at work and could not come. I was surprised at how hurt I felt, but fine. Fast forward to when my grandma (her mom) is visiting, and I showed her pictures of the dress. My mom then lied about how she was there with me for the fitting, and fought me when I contradicted her. Then she said "Well we saw a dress exactly like the one you picked a different day so I did see it I'm not lying". Lol whatever you want to tell grandma. Then she proceeded to say she hated the veil I picked, and I should've done something more simple. Dad was rolling his eyes. Grandma scolded her for saying this, and she was like "oh she doesn't care". I say nothing. In a way IDGAF fundamentally about what she thinks, but at the same time, I really can't imagine saying anything like this to a family member, friend, or future daughter. My take is that honest opinions can come out during the wedding dress process, but once it's chosen and paid for, everything is perfect and beautiful and you shouldn't tell the bride otherwise, unless there are dire circumstances :)
Anyway, nothing major, I just constantly mourn the fact that I don't think my mom is a good person, and that she really doesn't care about me or what I want or need. Layered onto this is the fact that she never calls me unless it's for a favor. She never asks how I am or how I'm doing. She called me 3 months back when I had a serious back issue to rant to me for 15 minutes about finding my brother a job. Never found out about my back. My friends in the car were amused and vaguely shocked at the phone call, and how little it seemed my mom was interested in me or my life.