u/theameonna

Hey all! I am travelling around Vietnam later this month, starting in Hanoi, then to Saigon/HCM, with a couple detours to Sapa and Ninh Binh. I would love to make a friend or two where there is overlap in our journeys, we could take cute pictures of each other, go on day trips, cafe or bar hopping etc. Ideally other female travellers :)
For safety reasons I would rather not elaborate more in this main post so please feel free to comment and we can PM :)

(note - the title uses hyperbole; 'an extreme, deliberate exaggeration used to make a point, emphasise a feeling, or add humor' for anyone who cannot tell)

This is a very straightforward thought, but I have been looking for somewhere to put it into words because I feel like many people around me talk about wanting children without fully considering what parenthood can actually involve.

In my opinion, if someone says they want children, they should be prepared for the possibility that their child may be disabled, have significant support needs, or require lifelong care. That could include, for example, an autistic child with high support needs, a child with profound intellectual disability, a child with complex medical needs, a child with congenital differences, or a child with a disorder of consciousness.

I do not say this to frame disabled children as burdens, or to suggest that their lives are any less valuable. I mean that choosing parenthood should come with an understanding that a child is not something you can only accept under ideal circumstances. A child may have needs, abilities, communication styles, medical conditions, or developmental paths that are very different from what a parent imagined, and they still deserve full love, dignity, advocacy, and accommodation.

I also think that when a child has significant disabilities or complex care needs, parents should be especially thoughtful about having more children. Not because disabled children make family life less meaningful, but because siblings also deserve care, attention, emotional support, and the chance to have their own needs recognised. Parents need to be mindful of avoiding situations where a sibling becomes overlooked, parentified, or expected to sacrifice their own childhood because so much focus is placed on the child with higher support needs (sometimes described as “glass child syndrome” experiences)

Ultimately, I think wanting children should mean being willing to love and support the child you have, not just the child you imagined. No one is perfect and dreaming of a human being fitting your exact mould is unethical. We cannot control the gender, health, opinions and character of our children, and I find people who have kids with such set goals to be rather thoughtless. Parenthood needs acceptance the possibility of disability, complexity, dependence, and difference, and still choosing to provide that child with safety, respect, care, and unconditional love.

Our current societies are deeply flawed and personally I could not even dream of the potential to bring another human into this world with the potential of a life of suffering, dealing with prejudiced and unjust systems, and inequality.

I hope none of this wording comes across as offensive. I am trying to speak about a delicate topic with care, and I am open to being corrected on terminology! :)