I'm actually so cooked and I did it to myself..
My first semester of uni was already so shitty cause I had some issues at the beginning and so I started a lot later than everyone else so I had a lot of catching up to do (like two weeks worth of material). I tried to catch up + I did a lot of efforts and studied here and there throughout the entire semester and even if there was a LOT of procrastination and that KILLED ME by the end of it, I managed to pass almost all of the subjects except ONE (a lot of people failed this one in particular because of the professor and his way of correcting was a bit odd, that's an entirely different topic..) but honestly even if the professor had a better way of correction I would've still failed this one cause I barely touched it anyways. All of the cramming actually ended me and made me regret procrastinating all of the work so much that I PROMISED myself to lock in in my second semester cause I could save my grade if I DO that (the final grade of the entire year).
Now for the second semester... it started, I was like OKAY I have NO excuse to be procrastinating my work right now, I have to stay up to date with the professors in all subjects and not miss a single class and well let me tell you this. I did not fucking lock in, in fact I did WORSE than I have ever done EVER.
I haven't studied at ALL, not even a little bit and I just kept procrastinating all of it without a single thought in my brain + I found it so much harder to wake up in the mornings so I ended up skipping a lot of my classes because I couldn't wake up to go and honestly I had given up on going eventually because what was the point of going anyways if I wasn't gonna understand a thing cause I missed several classes before and cause I never study when I go home and instead I just do random bullshit and I feel sooooo miserable and shitty and HOPELESS.
I have about 13–14 days left before my final exams and I’ve only recently decided to start studying. I did a bit of progress in 2 subjects (tiny progress) and I started a 3rd subject today, I have exams on 5 subjects.
also I have 0 sense of urgency, I know I messed up REALLY really bad but I feel like it's not fixable, why? cause I already know what I should do but I'm not doing it and I don't fucking know why I have no will to. I should be doing something at the very least. I should set up a plan and work on it, I should fix my sleep and wake up early and study for long hours.
I know I should take this shit seriously but I am not.. I keep constantly getting distracted and leaving my work for a long hours and then feeling miserable and remembering that I will have to take my exams soon
and I KNOW this is all my fault but I just don't know what the fuck is WRONG with me, I wasn't like this. I was very anxious about exams, I used to do my absolute best to get good grades and honestly? I still didn't really get the best grades that I aimed for even if I did my best so I went from doing my best to doing enough to pass but this time? I'm not even sure if I'll actually pass.
also I'm sorry if this is badly written or anything
TL;DR: I fucked up because I'm dumb as hell and I never learn from my mistakes!