I’ve been doing the EM role for a long time and I’ve experienced a lot of situations, related to impostor syndrome, being too busy etc..
I never thought about any limiting beliefs until I was asked about by my coach.
I couldn’t give an answer and I’m still struggling about it. What’s your take on that?
Hello everyone,
When I first got promoted from senior software engineer to engineering manager, I didn't have a clue what to do. I kept oscillating between wanting to retreat to being an individual contributor and telling myself, "No, I need to be a leader." I didn't know how to properly communicate, I didn't know what to tell the team, and I really didn't understand the role. So I went back to being an individual contributor.
A few years later, in 2023, I was promoted again to engineering manager at another company with a new team. That was when I learned that the core of the role is growing the people on the team. Back then, there were also endless demands to create dashboards, demonstrate success, and define career paths. Some of those tasks are still around, but many have now been replaced by AI.
The honest truth is that I'm struggling right now, because I remember how stressful that journey was. When I didn't know what I was doing, the imposter syndrome went through the roof. I felt guilty about getting paid more when I didn't know how to earn it, and I wanted to quit almost every day just to avoid questions I couldn't answer. Part of me wanted to throw in the towel, go back to being an IC, and forget management entirely. But I genuinely love helping people, so I wanted to make it work. I just lacked the tools to communicate and tackle the issues my team needed help with.
I wish I had had some help when I was first promoted. I even wish I had had it six months ago at my previous company, because I didn't yet realise everything that could be done with AI to support engineering management. It's obvious how AI assists software engineers, but using it effectively as an engineering manager took me countless days of learning from scratch.
I believe that being a great engineering manager today means being a good coach first and foremost. Coaching your team is far more impactful than just handing them solutions or telling them what to do: it's about working alongside them and developing them.
Have you experienced this too?
What help you wish you had in this situation?