Cat loss; grief, pain and appreciation
I never knew my cats would save my life. I was ready to end it all when I was 20 and then my first, my bengal, came into my life. The bond and connection I had with her was like nothing else. She showed me and taught me true, unconditional love. She really was my first true love. My soul cat. It’s been 3 years since I lost her, aged 13, and I haven’t been able to look at her pictures since. The pain is too unbearable that my mind put up thick concrete walls to safeguard myself from truly spiralling out of control. What I didn’t expect is how my other cat, a black domestic shorthair, would also protect me during that heartache. She was my safety net. She softened the blow, comforted me, she taught me that despite the pain she still needed me and I needed her. What a sweet, gentle soul she was. I had to let her go yesterday, age 14, one week short of her next birthday. She taught me about second chances, comfort and companionship. Now I’m without either of them. Between them both, they saved me when I needed them most and extended my life by 16 wonderful years until now.
Life is so cold, lonely, dark and silent without them. My purpose is slowly dissipating as I come to terms that they’re both gone. I keep the water fountain humming gently in the background as I’m not ready to let go.
I am so thankful to both of my fur babies. Thank you for teaching me what it means to love and be loved, thank you for giving me comfort and unconditional, nonjudgmental love and support. I loved them so hard that the grief of losing them is returned tenfold. I don’t know how I am going to move forward without them.. I just want to be with them.