u/theloveaffair

It’s been almost a full year since I have spoken to her. It’s an incredibly long story and my mom has put me through a lot, but what ultimately pushed the estrangement was my mom’s behavior after returning to her abusive husband (my stepdad).

Three years separated, nearly divorced after going to trial, and suddenly they get back together. With a man who nearly killed his son he beat him so badly. He’s physically and sexually abused his ex-wife, his daughter, my mom. He’s harmed animals (he’s a veterinarian!), Plus so much more. He’s truly a predator. Naturally, I want nothing to do with him. I was willing to try and make our relationship work, even if it was toxic, because I didn’t want to lose my mom. Not that it mattered too much I guess, because she made 0 effort in my life.

Problem is, she wants us to pretend like nothing happened. Sweep it all under the rug. But I can’t and I won’t. All I really needed from her was respect for my boundaries of not wanting anything to do with him and acknowledging the hurt he has caused. The trauma of everything he and my mom put us through the last several years. But she can’t. She just treats me like I’m an immature child who doesn’t like her stepdad. Like he’s just an asshole, not the monster he really is.

My biggest thing is I don’t want him around my daughter. And honestly, my mom isn’t a safe person as long as she’s with him. But my sister is getting married next weekend. I’m her maid of honor. Where is the wedding? At my mom’s house! (My sister deciding this is a whole other story..) My husband and I don’t feel comfortable having our daughter there if my stepdad is present, so they won’t be attending. Which my mom has been flipping out about. Saying we are being immature and my husband needs to “be a man” and “suck it up” and bring our daughter. Anytime it’s brought up by my sister who expresses to her how upset she is her niece won’t be there, my mom says “well, that’s theloveaffairs problem.” It honestly astounds me how little she gives a shit about me or my daughter.

And it’s also insane she makes me feel for these boundaries. It’s also crazy to me how entitled she acts about things like being able to see my daughter or that people in her life HAVE to accept her husband or get the cold treatment. She also loves to post pictures I’ve told her not to post of my daughter from the last time she saw her when she was 4 months old (she’s almost 2 now) and my husband had to beg her to come see us like she had promised me she would (she’s a flight attendant and gets free flights and promised she’d come visit frequently!) she loves being told she’s such a great grandma by her fb friends.. 🙄 I asked her once to remove them, when she didn’t reply after a day I commented on the post very politely and she freaked out on me saying I was “blasting her all over social media” 💀

I’m so so sick with nerves thinking about how the wedding weekend is going to go down. I know my mom is going to pretend like everything totally fine for appearances sake. I don’t know how to even interact with her or my stepdad or his parents who will be there. I don’t want to cause any problems for my sister’s big day though. Ugh. I hate this so much.

Anyways, I’m sorry this is very long but I needed to vent. If anyone has any advice for navigating interactions with my mom at the wedding.. I’d appreciate it! 🩷