I’m not sure how to help my husband.
Definitely need support.
Hello, I’m writing in this sub because my husband said some things to me and I’m not entirely sure how to help. We are both in our 20s.
For background: we’ve been together a few years, he had a porn addiction and we’ve gotten through it with time and therapy. That isn’t the issue. He’s been a loving husband, albeit we’ve had normal couple issues like dividing household labor and juggling emotional/physical needs. I didn’t know until recently he was struggling as bad as he said today. He has had self destructive tendencies in the past, but has had therapy/psychiatrist for help. We do have a couples therapist, but she’s out of the office for a few weeks due to a family emergency.
He makes mistakes at work, and his coworker also happens to be our friend so we seem them and their partner outside of work hours often. Everything works amazingly outside the office. When friend and husband work together, he seems to make mistakes. Sometimes small, but occasionally not. It seems to pile and make friend frustrated but husband shuts down from criticism. This bleeds into our daily life since I get told one way or another and it comes up in our conversations.
Today, he told me that he feels like him not being able to do his job right / not care for the house / pull away from me are all self destructive tendencies and was very emotional. He mentioned offing himself on the balcony (we live a few floors up) and “not being a burden to everyone.” I was shocked and really worried hearing this. I asked if he was actively trying to, and he said no, but he does think about it.
There are a lot of extra things going on - he’s not on good terms with his whole family right now due to family issues about our marriage and just overall feels like he’s bothering everyone. I’ve reassured him I love him and his friends love him and we want to help him.
Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I’ve told him he should seek a new solo therapist and refill his medication prescription since he said it did help some of the time, but all I know to do is be here and it doesn’t feel like enough.