r/Husband

Okay this actually annoys my damn soul. My husband (23M) gets picked up from work everyday @5. We live in Dallas so rush hour is like dragging ur coochie on burning rocks and glass but we normally arrive home round 5:30-6:00. My husband is normally fine except I noticed around 30 mins after being home that he seems completely annoyed and over the fact he has a child. He does small baby things that normally aren’t a big deal but he blows up and yells “HEY” really loudly instead of doing something constructive with discipline. I just want to know im not crazy lol. It’s hard talking to him because he seems to always be defensive when I bring up parenting. I come at the topic in a “how can I help you” not a “why do you react that way” but regardless hes still defensive and any constructive criticism about his parenting is an argument. Ive told him I have no issue stepping in to help yet he refused help and blows up when he doesn’t listen. How do I go about this without him feeling attacked or is this just a fucked situation?

Edit: we both planned our son btw so hes a very wanted child.

Definitely need support.

Hello, I’m writing in this sub because my husband said some things to me and I’m not entirely sure how to help. We are both in our 20s.

For background: we’ve been together a few years, he had a porn addiction and we’ve gotten through it with time and therapy. That isn’t the issue. He’s been a loving husband, albeit we’ve had normal couple issues like dividing household labor and juggling emotional/physical needs. I didn’t know until recently he was struggling as bad as he said today. He has had self destructive tendencies in the past, but has had therapy/psychiatrist for help. We do have a couples therapist, but she’s out of the office for a few weeks due to a family emergency.

He makes mistakes at work, and his coworker also happens to be our friend so we seem them and their partner outside of work hours often. Everything works amazingly outside the office. When friend and husband work together, he seems to make mistakes. Sometimes small, but occasionally not. It seems to pile and make friend frustrated but husband shuts down from criticism. This bleeds into our daily life since I get told one way or another and it comes up in our conversations.

Today, he told me that he feels like him not being able to do his job right / not care for the house / pull away from me are all self destructive tendencies and was very emotional. He mentioned offing himself on the balcony (we live a few floors up) and “not being a burden to everyone.” I was shocked and really worried hearing this. I asked if he was actively trying to, and he said no, but he does think about it.

There are a lot of extra things going on - he’s not on good terms with his whole family right now due to family issues about our marriage and just overall feels like he’s bothering everyone. I’ve reassured him I love him and his friends love him and we want to help him.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I’ve told him he should seek a new solo therapist and refill his medication prescription since he said it did help some of the time, but all I know to do is be here and it doesn’t feel like enough.

Just wanting advice.

Over a decade ago, I picked up my son (4months old) from daycare and he had bruising on his face. I questioned the daycare and questioned my husband bc he was the one that took him to daycare that morning. I never got any answers and never knew what happened. It’s bothered me really bad for a long time. Over the years, I’ve asked my husband many times about what happened to our kids face, as I suspected he may have done it because he had quit drinking cold turkey and had very little patience. He never admitted to it but always grazed over it. Unfortunately I never pushed the issue too hard bc he was always so moody and … just.. I don’t know. Moody.. for days, sometimes a week or more. Anyway, he’s come along ways since then, and I asked about it again the other day and he admitted to slapping the baby and causing the bruising. The picture I have was taken 9 hours after the slap and there is a clear bruising to his ear, face, and head.

I’m asking what you would do if you found out about this 12 years later. I feel distant, angry, very sad, and like I failed my son for not protecting him. My husband has changed alot, though he still has his moods. He’s active in counseling and trying to still do better. He doesn’t physically abuse the kids now, they’re old enough to tell me if he did. But as recently as 2 years ago, I’d often find little bruising marks to the little one’s arms where he had grabbed him causing the little tiny speckled bruises if you know what I mean.

He’s a pretty good dad overall, has improved his patience and still works to improve himself, though he still has that impatience and moody tendencies at times. Just not nearly as extreme.

I’m just so sad and so lost. I know I’d have left him then if I knew the extreme of it, but it’s been 12 years. What would you do?