Does anyone else’s significant other have a very difficult time taking road trips? He nags the kids non stop, yells at the over me talking when they do anything, and sometimes has just plain ignored me and stared out the window for hours of a drive. Any suggestions on making a trip easier? I’ve suggested headphones, ear plugs, him sitting in the back and splitting up the kids. He either won’t take the suggestion or it doesn’t work.
Hi. Im a [43 F], trying to decide if my husband, [46 M] is abusive or just emotionally immature. When I met him 14 years ago, he was active in his alcoholism. He quit shortly after cold turkey and I got pregnant with our first. After that baby was born, he turned very angry, hostile and at one point slapped the 5 month old baby hard enough to leave bruises on his face. I did not know that it was him that caused the bruising until two weeks ago bc any time I asked he lied or said he didn’t remember. I know he did a few other things to the baby and as he got older, he eased off. He got better and better emotionally and after 14 years, is MUCH better than he was. He was still physically too rough with our second child, but not nearly as much as the first and I’m not sure if I’d count that as abuse or not.
However after 14 years, I still feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, having to filter most of what I say to the point where I stress out trying to decide how to bring up any topic whatsoever, knowing that it WILL start an argument. When he gets upset at something I ask or say, he starts questioning why I said it until I feel so trapped and nothing I say will be right. We are unable to take trips together as a family bc in my opinion, he nags the kids to death in the car and it’s miserable. if I say anything he gets mad and just ignores me the rest of the trip. He’s always been very high strung on trips.
Another example is Just the other day he called our oldest a smart mouth because the kid asked his dad if he wanted help eating the food he made, bc he had told the kid “I hope you’re still hungry!” He got upset with me when I pointed out that the kid wasn’t being smart, but that he was offering to help him with all the leftovers
He does seem to be fun loving on the outside. He portrays a happy, kind, sweet dad to the rest of the world and sometimes it makes me question my sanity. He’s in counseling and does always try to do better.
Idk if I’ve provided enough insight for anyone to determine if he’s abusive or just emotionally immature, but what is your opinion based on this short amount of information?
Just wanting advice.
Over a decade ago, I picked up my son (4months old) from daycare and he had bruising on his face. I questioned the daycare and questioned my husband bc he was the one that took him to daycare that morning. I never got any answers and never knew what happened. It’s bothered me really bad for a long time. Over the years, I’ve asked my husband many times about what happened to our kids face, as I suspected he may have done it because he had quit drinking cold turkey and had very little patience. He never admitted to it but always grazed over it. Unfortunately I never pushed the issue too hard bc he was always so moody and … just.. I don’t know. Moody.. for days, sometimes a week or more. Anyway, he’s come along ways since then, and I asked about it again the other day and he admitted to slapping the baby and causing the bruising. The picture I have was taken 9 hours after the slap and there is a clear bruising to his ear, face, and head.
I’m asking what you would do if you found out about this 12 years later. I feel distant, angry, very sad, and like I failed my son for not protecting him. My husband has changed alot, though he still has his moods. He’s active in counseling and trying to still do better. He doesn’t physically abuse the kids now, they’re old enough to tell me if he did. But as recently as 2 years ago, I’d often find little bruising marks to the little one’s arms where he had grabbed him causing the little tiny speckled bruises if you know what I mean.
He’s a pretty good dad overall, has improved his patience and still works to improve himself, though he still has that impatience and moody tendencies at times. Just not nearly as extreme.
I’m just so sad and so lost. I know I’d have left him then if I knew the extreme of it, but it’s been 12 years. What would you do?