Being stealth
Since moving to my new job, which also entails moving to a new city and everything, I decided to just be completely stealth (mostly bc of the bathroom ruling) and it kinda just makes me feel... I don't even know...
I don't feel like I'd be in any actual danger at my job (I work in games, literally everyone has pride flags at their desks and I walk by like six trans fems on the way to my desk in the morning) but I just know that being seen as a 'man' and being seen as a 'trans man' are very different experiences, even by allies, but I'm in such two minds about it. I'm not ashamed of being trans or anything, I actually hate that I can't make jokes about myself or tell anyone my plans to get top surgery now I have money coming in, but I can't shake the uncertainty of 'what if something else happens and they decide to start making us use the wrong bathroom? what if they decide they don't want to 'deal' with having trans employees? what if they stop seeing me as thesodaboy2001 the new fella and start seeing me as thesodaboy2001 the new *trans* fella who totally used to be a girl and I'm gonna ask him some questions about how it all works and I wonder what his opinion is on all these trans stories in the news?' like at my old jobs.
It kinda makes me feel guilty as well, I guess. I'm afforded the luxury of stealth bc I'm a trans guy who's been on T three years and I started passing after like 6 months and I got my passport and license changed bc I have a foreign passport in a much friendlier country and now I even have a job that pays enough that I can afford private top surgery when I know other trans folk that can't go stealth and have to suffer the years on the waitlists for everything when I could jump the queue a little. Like, politically I'm just as screwed if any party or politicians started looking at the paperwork, but for now I'm doing okay when a whole lot of us aren't.
I wanted to post this because I was planning on going to Manchester Trans Pride at the start of August but then I got worried someone from work would see and recognise me and made me question whether I'm really 'proud' to be trans if I'm just hiding :/ IDK just needed to get it out