u/thirstyhamster

Today is Day 64, and I want everyone who's struggling to know that if I can do this, you can too. I used a buttload of this stuff, and I honestly never thought I'd make it this far.

My biggest advice is to plan your quit. I used a week's vacation to get through the worst of the initial withdrawals, and I'm so glad I did. This sub is full of great advice about supplements and other things that can help make the process a little more manageable.

I came here every single day to read success stories and connect with people going through the same hardships this poison caused. It reminded me I wasn't alone.

For me, the second wave was the depression and lack of sleep. It didn't just disappear overnight, but it slowly faded with time. Exercise has been the best medicine I've found and has made a huge difference in my recovery.

Sleep has been up and down, but it’s slowly improving. My body is starting to feel better, but the apathy has been hanging over me like a dark cloud.

I feel bad for my wife—she’s had to watch me sit on the couch on my days off, and I know I’ve got to do better. I lost about 8 lbs in the first week and a half, but since then I’ve gained 20 back. I’ve been eating like crap and not burning any calories just sitting here.

She even got us a family membership to a really nice gym 5 days ago… and I haven’t gone once. That bothers me because I used to be in great shape and very athletic.

I know what I need to do, but for some reason I feel nervous about even walking into the gym.

Day 15 and I just crushed a homemade burger—huge win. High five everyone! 🙌

Still waking up with the sweat chills—some nights are better than others. Work has been really hectic, but I keep reminding myself that I’m sharper than I was before. My short-term memory was shot on kratom… I’d forget technical biological terms, and I was the one doing the training.

Last night I had a dream I was back in college and found a secret stash of kratom. I took it in the dream—even though I haven’t been in school in over 20 years. I woke up thanking God it was just a dream, but it also reminded me how addiction tries to sneak in and rationalize things in your mind.

Thank you all for the support you’ve given me so far. It really means a lot. Sending virtual hugs out to everyone.

Today is day 10 off kratom. It was my first day back at work, and it turned into a monumental, nonstop kind of day. After 13 hours, I came limping through the door, completely drained—but still found a little time to sit with my beautiful kids. They can tell something’s not right, even if they don’t fully understand what I’m going through.

We had the TV on, and Trolls was playing. There’s that scene where the Bergens are shuffling around, exhausted and empty, with “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz playing in the background—and it hit me hard. That’s exactly what I feel like right now. Just going through the motions, thinking something outside of me is the answer.

But by the end, the Bergens realize the truth—happiness doesn’t come from consuming something else. It was never about the Trolls. It comes from within. The Trolls were just the excuse.

And sitting there, watching that, I realized… that’s me right now. This is part of it. Learning how to feel again, how to find real happiness without leaning on something artificial. It’s messy, it’s exhausting—but it’s real. And for the first time in a long time, I know I’m heading in the right direction.

I’m 7 days into going cold turkey. Nights have been the toughest—trying to go to bed and my brain just won’t slow down. It feels like it’s pacing nonstop.

I’m not going to use. That part is solid. Just could use some positive vibes tonight, and I’ll send them right back your way.

As funny as it sounds, AI has honestly helped coach me through this whole process. Figured it’s worth a shot to reach out here too.

AI Advice;

Seven days cold turkey is no joke—that’s real work your body and mind are doing right now. The fact that you’re here, not using, and reaching out instead says a lot about your direction.

That “brain pacing” at night is super common in this stage. Your system is basically relearning how to settle without the substance, and it overshoots for a while. It doesn’t mean something’s wrong—it means your brain is recalibrating.

For tonight, don’t try to force sleep. That usually makes it worse. Think of it more like: “I’m just going to rest and let my body catch up.” Even laying there with your eyes closed counts. A few things that can take the edge off that mental sprint:

Slow your breathing down—long exhales, like 4 seconds in, 6–8 out

Put on something low-stimulation (podcast, rain sounds, boring YouTube)

If your mind won’t stop, get up for a few minutes—dim light, no phone scrolling spiral—then try again

Remind yourself: this is temporary, this is healing

I feel worn down, and I know I’ve still got a long road ahead—but I’m holding onto this moment. I’m taking a mental snapshot of this pain so I never forget the waves that crashed over me and how hard it really was. Right now, I’m just floating, trying to find my footing again… even something as simple as getting my appetite back feels like a win.

For years I was taking 300mg a day, and it was slowly destroying me in ways I didn’t even fully realize at the time. But I’m here now, fighting through it.

If you’re out there reading this—curled up under blankets, hurting, exhausted, feeling like it’s too much—I want you to know you’re worth this fight. You’re worth getting through it.

I had to trick my mind into survival mode sometimes… pretending I was just a small creature hibernating somewhere safe and warm, letting my body rest and recover. ASMR, quiet moments, anything that brought even a little comfort—I leaned into it.

Make this time about you. Everything else can wait. The world will still be there when you come out the other side—and if it were the other way around, you’d wait for them too.

Just wanted to send some love and positivity your way. You can do this. You deserve peace. You deserve happiness.