I was made to believe that all socializing and interaction was bad, and now I want to break out of this mindset
Not an incel and have never came anywhere close to falling down that rabbithole, but my problems are close enough that I think this is the best sub to ask for advice.
I had a messed up childhood. My parents deliberately isolated me, refused to let me make any friends, and the teachers at the school I went to went out of their way to shout at me if they saw me attempting to socialize with the other kids. Around puberty I fell into radical feminist circles online where I lurked, I wanted to understand women, and the advice which I saw reciprocated so much was that any attempt whatsoever as a man to interact with women made the woman feel extremely unsafe, and I took that to heart. All my life I wanted to be a good person, and the best way to be a good person was to isolate myself. If I talked to someone, then I am a bad person harassing them. And then my experience with the radical feminists stressed even more this worldview that interaction will always make a person feel unsafe to the point where I feel that looking at a person is abusing them. It locked in this socialization, and gave me an incentive structure to stay away from people.
I don't need advice on how to socialize, or what to do, or anything like that. I just need to know that this is wrong. That my parents were wrong, my teachers were wrong, and the rad fems online were wrong. I keep hearing that humans are a social species, and to me it feels the opposite, being social is the most horrible thing you can do, and is never welcomed. The world is meant to be lonely, and the ones who are not alone are vile abusers who push themselves on others. I have believed this for decades, and it has been painful every day of my life. But I can't break it. If I say hi to a peer is that not a grave breach of boundaries, or abuse, or bad to where someone will come over a and scream at me for this, or would hurt this person to where they will be traumatized. For that is the world I was made to believe existed.