r/IncelExit

In 2022 when I was in 9th grade I was pretty ugly and going through puberty (I was 14, almost 15). Right when I started high school at 15 in late 2023 I started consuming a lot of blackpill content. I found multiple BP forums and started worrying about my looks. At first it wasn’t even that bad — mostly fragrance stuff and “softmaxxing,” which wasn’t extreme. It was all over TikTok too with that one song Ecstasy that really brings me back to it.

Anyway, from freshman year all the way to senior year now, every week and every day I’ve been consuming more and more blackpill content, ideology, and the subsections under it like looksmaxxing. Of course it made me insecure and made my anxiety a bit worse, but it also kind of raised my ego. I started hating on everyone in general. In primary school I went through bullying, trauma, and people turning on me (even friends), so I felt good being part of that community.

I know the forums have multiple people who even offed themselves because of it. Then in 2025 (last year) Clavicular made BP go mainstream, and suddenly every single person — even girls (the forums were meant for guys only at the start) — started knowing about it, but in a funny way and not taking it seriously. Now every young kid and every guy knows about it, and some worse people who aren’t just incels but genuine psychopaths are telling others to kill themselves and stuff like that on the forums. It’s gone crazy.

I’ve consumed so much of everything over these 2–3 years (before and after Clavicular) that my brain can’t comprehend running away from it. I’m getting a nose surgery now that I turned 18, a sliding jaw surgery, I tried multiple creams and convinced my dermatologist for tretinoin and isotretinoin for my acne, and I also started pinning stuff.

The biggest thing I hate is this hate toward women. They spread hypergamy, they’re all evil — every single one I’ve met IRL and online. But when I’m with a girl and talk to one I’m always the kindest. It’s not that I fake it, I just hide my true self.

Anyone know how I can escape this? I go outside, I go to the gym, I eat well, I sleep, I even have a summer job right now, but I can’t escape BP. It’s over. Even if I try, it always comes back, whether it’s a small thing or a big thing. I think deep down I’ll forever have this hate toward women till the end. In some way we’re all truly evil, but women are more hypergamous than men — the statistics are true.

I really don’t know what to even say. I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I failed my talking stages and rejected a couple of uglier girls. Maybe if I ascend and make my looks better I’ll escape it one day and get a loving girlfriend and forget about this. It has malnourished my brain, changed it, and developed it in some other way. I’m not joking when I say this — it’s dangerous, and people don’t know how much it is until they fall into its rabbit hole one day.

(Edit: noticing the downvotes on my own replies. Most people here don’t seem interested in debating or understanding the loop I’m describing — they just want the standard “stop consuming / therapy / take responsibility” script and will downvote ANYTHING that doesn’t instantly agree. Looking for mindful discussion, not mindless pile-ons.)

Hello everyone, hope you are all having a pleasant day.

I am a student in college who doesn't have problems making friends with my gender (men), but for some reason I always have a fear of making friends with girls. I see a lot of my buddies have friends who are girls and it does pain me when they ask why I don't really speak to women. The truth is that I have some insane fear and really have to build the courage to talk to a girl, and when I do, I am always stuttering and overthinking every sentence I say. For example, in class today, the professor told us to talk to our classmates sitting next to us, and since my classmate was a girl, I was just too scared to ask for her name, or even start a conversation.

Does anyone have some advice on how I can get over this fear?

I know the biggest argument to incels wanting a girlfriend means them seeing girls as a trophy, but for me I want a long term partner because I want to come home to a loving partner after a long day of work and just watch a movie and having someone be there for me. I can’t find this and it hurts..

Hi there, I was the person who posted this almost two years ago.

After I posted this, I got alot of helpful insights and second opinions about my situations back then and I would like to thank everyone who gave me support around that time.

I am a man of my word and did exactly what you guys told me: I did therapy, joined hobby and interest groups, faced my fears, and be the best version of myself overall, and they were all very helpful in the long run: gave me acquiantances and bad experiences I could learn from and grow as a person.

Although I still never have a partner after that post, but the rejections and a bad "relationship" gave me some perspective. It just really have something to do with my growing social skills and inexperience about the dating world. I did get hurt real bad with one of the rejections I had and it was due to RSD and anxiety attacks.

Thanks to these experiences, it made me learn things like people who are dry irl and online shows that they are not interested whatsoever, and that asking someone out right off the bat will reveal if that person who show "signs" shows genuine interest or just wanted attention. It made me learn about the concept of "breadcrumbing" and it's one of the worst things in dating and socializing in general, and I believe that most girls I liked did exactly just this, less subtle than the next

Over all, I am doing fine. I do have problems and still need to keep fixing myself from the inside out.
Loving myself, having fun and living in the moment is the best

So yeah that's all for this update, thank you again guys for helping. This little ol' late bloomer just have keep on going

Peace out

TLDR: Posted once on this sub, was recommended self-improvement and did exactly that. Had up-and-downs learning from it despite not having a partner yet, but life is good

EDIT: grammar

Lately I've been feeling guilt again for my past actions as an Incel.

On this very account, I've talked shit to IT members years ago in their dms, and while it wasn't any rape threat's or anything like that, I was still still a major prick, and still was one of those debate me bro guys. So if any IT member who happens to see this, and somehow remembers getting a dm from me, I apologize for my actions.

And then there's the the constant pushing aside of people who only trying to help me. I made multiple women friends in my time, as an Incel, all of them first started talking to me because I was an Incel, and they felt sympathy for me, and despite that I would constantly argue with them over my dumbass Incel mindset. Again if any of you are reading this I apologize for my actions, and I respect your empathy for even trying in the first place.

This isn't to say woe is me, Please forgive me. No I should be held accountable for my past actions. I suppose leaving up a more public record of how awful I used to be, with this post is one thing, but I know in my heart that more has to be done to atone. So what should be done is the next question? Even though I know nothing can truly be done to atone, I at least want to try.

I was wondering, what if it’s my style that repels women, I know that being clean is step one and I know that you attract people that have similar interests in you, but what if I start wearing old money outfits, or gym outfits, or skater outfits, or gangster outfits. This goes to all incels, if they start wearing whatever there interested in, will they attract that niche, i need your guys full perspective and knowledge.

I saw an interesting take today proclaiming this because incels treat women the same way as they do men, unlike virtually every other social group in our modern society, and I found this interesting. Ik a lot of people like to act like incels are all raging misogynists, which I think is dumb. I’m curious to see how this poll plays out.

View Poll

I realized that I have a problem that probably dates back to when I first got online and started reading things about sex.

I’ve crossed the threshold. I’m sexually active, I go on dates, I’ve shed my former incel self. Yippee. I’m not experienced like crazy I’ve had sex probably less than 25 times.

But I’ve realized that I have issues with one aspect of dating and sex. I’m 26 and lost my virginity at 23 then had a try spell until 25. Because I’m so behind the game, I missed out on the wild crazy times of college, and early twenties hooking up.

Back when I was a teenager I used to come on this site and seek out answers from women about what made the “best sex of their life” so great. And it really messed me up mentally. The answers were never “well I love my long term boyfriend so much” it was mostly “that guy I met at 20 while studying abroad”. Or “the guy I met one weekend while out in Vegas” or some idea of a guy they were hooking up with that could just do everything right.

It really kinda fucked me up because I realized, I’m just not that guy. I’m no one’s time they think back to and think “damn that was amazing” I’ve had. Good sex, but never really fireworks and that kinda eats at me and makes me insecure. I realized I started falling back into the habit of reading those things after the last girl I was dating literally broke it off because after the first time we had sex it was so bad that I was too scared to try again.

So now I’m back in the rut, and feel as insecure and sexually inadequate as I did when I was like 17. And I don’t really feel like it’ll ever change because I have a severe doubt that I’m a guy that can be “amazing” at sex. I think I could just be “average” with a lot of work. But even then that feels insurmountable as I don’t think women want to humor a guy that doesn’t know what he’s doing, and at this point it kinda just seems like I missed whatever critical moment or genetic traits make a guy just know how to pleasure a woman so good she thinks about it later.

Maybe I’m speaking kinda stupid here, but Idk.

Like I feel like I’ve done everything in my power to make changes to help, I’ve done all the advice, been consistent with it for years, and now that I’m 25 everyone seems to be finding their forever person and the dating pool keeps shrinking and shrinking, and it’s got me thinking is this just the way it’s supposed to be.

When you look historically, men created a society that forced women to marry or they couldn’t survive on their own. Women couldn’t get loans, get jobs, get vehicles or do anything without a husband‘s approval. Now we’ve done a lot of work (at least in my country) to give women the equality they deserve. But now dating is harder as women are either only dating men they actually want to be with or just opting out of dating entirely.

Almost a return to romantic/sexual relationships in its most natural form. Preventing undesirable genes from continuing. So is this what it is? Just natural seleftion? Do i have some genetic marker that makes me undesirable?

Honestly viewing it this way kinda helps me, and I’d like others opinions on it.

I started doing sports, I got into the best university in my country, I started doing volunteer work, I began taking care of my mental health, I became more social, lost a big of my shyness, became more elloquent and confident and even lost some weight. Yet, I still don't have friends or a girlfriend.

It's not like I think I'm entitled to a gf, it's just that I'd expect to happen naturally at some point. Yet, women are still disinterested in me. For example, there was one time when I tried to strike a conversation with my coursemate at university - not with a second intention, I just wanted to meet her, and we even attended a place in common prior to joining school (I could tell because she was carrying a bag with a logo from that place). We talked for two minutes and she eventually began ignoring me and went to talk to her other friends. Other women in general don't seem very receptive to, judging by how they look. In contrast, I was able to make a male collegue and a few male acquaintances at university, at the volunteering program, and even talked to a stranger guy one day at an event.

Why I can't have success in platonic relationships with women?

I was thinking of all those screenshots of men who fall into the NiceGuy territory. Or Incels who handle rejection poorly. And then I saw this thread and it reminded me of this. Idk how accurate the science behind this is. I probably shouldn't trust X, I know that. But...could this be it? Could some of the NiceGuy dudes have some form of untreated ADHD that makes them so maladapted to forming relationships?

If you're an ex-incel (or incel who tries to get out) who struggles with rejection sensitivity or certain obsessive thoughts, maybe look into ADHD/OCD treatment. Just a suggestion.

I live with my parents atm, I have autism, I’m only 5’5”, I don’t make enough money to be a “provider,” and I just generally feel like I should give up on dating since I’m already 34 and I’ve never had a gf. I think that as a potential partner, I’m generally pathetic - though I don’t have anything against women in general.

I know that people often say that there’s a wide variety of men with women out there but all I can see are generally much taller and handsomer men that are with women. So I feel like I can’t really call myself a man at this point. Just some weird manchild. I even tried speed-dating and online dating a bunch and got absolutely nowhere. I’m still pissed with myself, that I wasted so much of my time and money on them.

Every year I go without a gf, I feel more alienated from everything. From various songs/movies, and society overall. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I’m not a good person.

For years throughout the work places I've been in I've seen guys, even guys who weren't particularly attractive manage to be able to strike up conversations daily with many the girls at work and form genuine relationships but whenever I take whack at it I feel very unwelcoming vibes and they are very disinterested. I'm not even overweight or old, I'm in relatively good shape (but not quite muscular). So how come it's so easy for them but practically unattainable for me? I'm just tired of always being alone and being awkwardly isolated all the time.

I don’t know what to do at this point it feels like a addiction, I constantly will have a phase where for a month or 3 I’ll stop looking at the looksmaxing stuff and all that and just enjoy life and then randomly when I’m at height of confidence I just post there again has mostly this feeling of like “oh bet they can’t say anything about this” and then I always still get rated low and told I’m ugly and told to change everything and to get surgery I just wanna feel attractive, it’s not so much of I want to attract women idc if I do even if I didn’t, it’s just a personal feeling of wanting to not be ugly

One of my friends recently got out of a pretty toxic relationship. If im being completely honest, it was very clear that the guy wasn’t a stand up guy from the first time I met him. Others in our friend circle agreed and had no clue what she was thinking.

Now they’ve broken up and I have two feelings. I’m really happy for her, but simultaneously this makes me feel worse about myself. And I hate that I feel this way.

She’s a great person, she genuinely deserves so much better (I want to make it clear, I do not have any romantic feelings towards her at all), but somehow, this guy who everyone could tell was, for lack of better words, a huge douche, was able to get with her.

I don’t want to sound like “I’m such a nice guy women owe me” but after seeing how she was treated by him, I can firmly say I would never think about hurting another person like that. But somehow, despite all of his character flaws, he’s still able to date and I am not. So there’s something that is objectively worse about me than him that I don’t know what it is, but it’s so bad that it repulses women that even guys that are lowkey emotionally abusive are better candidates for a partner than me.

It just kinda leaves me feeling deflated. Like “if he can figure this out, and women like him enough to be with him, and he’s genuinely just an awful guy, than what am I not seeing about myself.

I’ve stayed in and away from people for the last few weeks trying to figure out what this flaw I have is, but I genuinely don’t know what is that awful about me that I’m just undesirable to any woman I’ve ever met.

This is the headspace I’ve been in for a minute. I know it’s selfish and that I should be there for my friend, but I just don’t know how I would be any help in the state I’m in.

I’m so tired of feeling this way, but I feel like it’ll never stop because the rejection will never stop. It’s gotten so bad I honestly wish I was asexual and aromantic. I’d be so much happier. How do I stop this spiral?

So I’m 20m and in college. My parents are always complaining about how I have curly hair and I’m short and skinny even though they adopted me. They also don’t tell me they love me but they had two biological children after me and they tell those children they love them, and they hug them and such. I don’t remember the last time I was hugged by them or even had a nice long hug.

They said the only reason they care about me is cause they have to and it hurts because they handle my medical stuff like insurance, because I have tons of medical and health issues such as mobility issues and super severe allergies that leave me so lethargic and tired all the time. I’ve considered stopping showing up for myself cause I don’t have friends and it’s just been hard. It’d be nice to talk to friends my age about my issues and especially my appearance cause I geniuenly hate my hair and how curly and thick it is, even though I still want super long hair, it’d be nice to have a friend who also has super thick curly hair but I know that’s a long shot.

In addition at college, I don’t really have friends and have been teased because of my hair but I’m always embarrassed because I’ve also been teased because I have such severe allergies that I am sneezing multiple times a day for hours in fits of sneezing and nose-blowing. I’ve never sat in the dining hall with someone else besides my roommate occasionally and I am always alone in the corner, usually sneezing uncontrollably because I’m so allergic to the outdoors and my campus is old and there’s a lot of dust potentially given the buildings are old. I just want someone to be my friend because I have a feeling no one sits near my corner because they’re tired of me sneezing my head off most days. I always feel bad that my sneezes are so desperate but I stopped trying to hold back til I get to my dorm because I just can’t help it. It’s happened in class too several times and I’ve had to miss a lot of class because I usually step out and run to an empty hallway or the bathroom. Even in my choir as a music major, it’s been hard to find friends due to the allergies (which aren’t super receptive to medicine unless it’s medicine that makes me sleep), and the faculty are mostly nice but I still get embarrassed.

Please help me, I am really hurting it feels like a cry out for support and love because I don’t have anyone who does it for me. It’s hard.

The reason the Black Pill is so difficult to argue against is that it has defeatism built into it.

You point out an unattractive man with an attractive woman? “He’s rich, so that doesn’t apply to me.” He’s poor? “He isn’t autistic like I am.” He has the same disadvantages? “He’s an exception.” And if every other explanation fails, the relationship can simply be dismissed as a “freak accident.”

You can do this indefinitely. Every counterexample can be explained away while the conclusion remains unchanged: “It might happen to other people, but it won't happen to me.”

This is why I don't think the Black Pill is really an ideology or coherent position. I think it is a neurosis that likely belongs on the depressive spectrum. I have dysthymia, and I've experienced similar “blackpills” about subjects completely unrelated to dating. When you're depressed, it's possible to develop extremely convincing beliefs that everything is hopeless, and then selectively interpret evidence to reinforce them.

That doesn't mean every observation made by Black Pillers is necessarily false. Some claims about attractiveness, dating, and social dynamics may have genuine merit. The problem is when the worldview becomes unfalsifiable when no possible counterexample can ever count against it.

If a belief can explain away every piece of evidence that contradicts it, in what sense is it still a rational position?

One of the difficulties with dealing with my mental health recently is loneliness. However, I can't acknowledge and admit to myself that I'm lonely, because it makes me feel like an incel. This, extends to a lot of other topics, not just being lonely.

I can't admit to being lonely, because that's an incel thing.

I can't admit to wanting a relationship, because that's an incel thing.

I can't admit to wanting to be held, because that's an incel thing.

I can't admit to having feelings or even getting attracted to someone, because that's an incel thing.

I can't admit to have issues, because that's an incel thing.

You see what I mean? I feel like I'm not allowed to say or acknowledge or even admit that I feel things, because I don't want to be an incel. All these things? Incel coded as hell. I don't want to be an incel.

Like, I'm sorry to all the "Just Work On Yourself" and "You have to be happy alone" people. But I can't. I can't keep working on myself, I can't keep doing things alone. It's eating at me, and it makes me feel like a massive incel when I say I'm not satisfied or happy being alone and working on myself.

Also yes, everyone's going to give The List of things to do to improve my life. So, I'll put them here so you don't have to bother.

- Yes, I bathe, twice a day. I use deodorant, powder, and cologne.

- Yes, I have hobbies. I make toys. I read books. I go on runs, or cycling rides.

- Yes, I go to the gym. In addition to the runs, I go 3 times a week.

- Yes, I do talk to women. I have women friends. I have close women friends.

- Yes, I go to therapy, or did. I went in 2025, haven't been back because:

- I started a new job, in the Emergency Room last year.

- Also, yes, I have had sex. It's just that they never felt right. In addition, I got sexually assaulted twice, and one time threatened to it.