I mean this very lightly, so don't get too serious. She hasn't had a visible hit since demidevil and her albums, while good, have not been as commercially successful.
I was thinking of all those screenshots of men who fall into the NiceGuy territory. Or Incels who handle rejection poorly. And then I saw this thread and it reminded me of this. Idk how accurate the science behind this is. I probably shouldn't trust X, I know that. But...could this be it? Could some of the NiceGuy dudes have some form of untreated ADHD that makes them so maladapted to forming relationships?
If you're an ex-incel (or incel who tries to get out) who struggles with rejection sensitivity or certain obsessive thoughts, maybe look into ADHD/OCD treatment. Just a suggestion.
This is not a pity party type of post. I'm not looking for sympathy, this is more just me finally being honest about myself and coming to terms with a few things after a long period of self-reflection.
I think I've finally come to terms and made peace with the fact that I am the reason my life sucks and I'm too incompetent to change it. I don't know if the right term is Narcissistic Collapse or Ego death or what but something happened to me in the last few years and this is the conclusion of what I've gathered.
I'm pretty mediocre in the sense that I don't have any special skills or interests that could help me make something notable of myself in this world. I grew up in a small town with pretty poor education and I did pretty well despite that. Good enough to land a good high school in the city and go to Engineering college but it's like I hit a wall. I was thrust into college with no friends and no idea what to do or how to network so eventually I got left out and lost the motivation to the point I got expelled. I'm not artistically talented in any way, shape or form and I have a deep envy of people who are. I'm not funny or sociable or have a sense of style. I'm kind of a nothing burger of a person just existing.
I'm not attractive. I don't think I'm the ugliest guy in the world but I feel like every guy I see is way better looking than me. I'm also fat. Not like obese to the point where I can't move but I can guarantee nobody ever looked at me and wanted to fuck me. I try to put some effort into hygiene and grooming and smelling ok and going to the gym at least once a week, but it doesn't amount to much. Again, just kind of a nothing burger of a person.
I'm also pretty stupid. I did well in school back then but a lot of it was just memorizing and I don't remember much of what I've learned. I'm slow, I have a weak memory and I struggle with finding solutions to problems. I have some basic life skills figured out (cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes) but that isn't saying much. I'm too much of a simpleton for a liberal world. I try to read books to keep my brain active but my attention span is low and it's hard to concentrate for long periods of time ( I've had more success with reading manga). I also developed a porn addiction as a coping mechanism for a lot of the trauma I experienced in my house. I think the porn has fucked with my brain a little too.
I haven't even bothered with dating apps or trying to find a partner. And I don't even bother with friendships anymore, because honestly who the fuck would want to be around. I don't do anything fun. When I'm not at work (I work in a fast food restaurant) or doing errands, I'm at home playing video games, watching anime and fapping to porn. I wouldn't want to date me either. I don't talk at all unless somebody else engages me in a conversation.
I think I used to have some Nice Guy Syndrome at some point where I believed I'm a way better person than I am and life was unfair to me. But now I realize that's kind of bullshit. I don't volunteer, I don't contribute to the community in any way, shape or form. I'm not an activist. I'm not purposefully rude and mean to others but I'm not helping anybody and nobody's life is better with me in it.
My parents want me to go back to college and get a degree in computer science or something, but honestly I feel like I'm a lost cause and I've already wasted too much of my parents money and I hold a lot of guilt around that. I think the guilt of failure is keeping me frozen in place, incapable of moving on. I'm too stupid for higher education and I don't know how to handle life productively. I don't know how to make a Bachelor's Degree project or how to make something of myself.
I used to have a lot of hatred of both men and women as it seemed that everybody's life was better than mine, and I'm the only one struggling to make it to the finish line, but now I'm like. "What's the point?". My anger helps nobody either. Yeah, this post was just me telling where I'm at in life. I do agree incel ideology is bullshit, but idk, it's hard to not be jealous and bitter when you know you can't keep up with the world around you.
Pictured: a mix of two pasta with mushrooms and carrots, baked chicken breast and potato with condiments, and two slices of cheesecake with cherry jam. I'm about to dig in while watching One Piece. I'm at episode 14. I don't know how to take appealing pictures of food lol