u/Mellloyellow

Lately I've been feeling guilt again for my past actions as an Incel.

On this very account, I've talked shit to IT members years ago in their dms, and while it wasn't any rape threat's or anything like that, I was still still a major prick, and still was one of those debate me bro guys. So if any IT member who happens to see this, and somehow remembers getting a dm from me, I apologize for my actions.

And then there's the the constant pushing aside of people who only trying to help me. I made multiple women friends in my time, as an Incel, all of them first started talking to me because I was an Incel, and they felt sympathy for me, and despite that I would constantly argue with them over my dumbass Incel mindset. Again if any of you are reading this I apologize for my actions, and I respect your empathy for even trying in the first place.

This isn't to say woe is me, Please forgive me. No I should be held accountable for my past actions. I suppose leaving up a more public record of how awful I used to be, with this post is one thing, but I know in my heart that more has to be done to atone. So what should be done is the next question? Even though I know nothing can truly be done to atone, I at least want to try.

So basically I've been avoiding the topic of sex around my gf for months. I understand it's not fair to her as a person, as she's entitled to what she wants in the relationship, but whenever the topic comes up in my head it's like I freeze, like a dear caught in headlights. I haven't even told her I was SA'd because I've heard of guys using trauma to manipulate women and I definitely don't want to be one of them, even unintentionally.

I'm trying to get therapy for this, but it'll probably be months before it can happen tbh. I'm really unsure of what to do. I thought about forcing myself to go through with it, but then she'd be able to easily tell, and I'm not entitled to her emotional labor from that.