u/throwRa_MILDRAMA

Update on my post yesterday .

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/xDy3QZ4gGw

I called my SIL . She said she wouldn’t trust a newborn with MIL either and smoking is the least of the problems . She said their mom has been homeless basically and has been living with her friend . She is being kicked out because she broke the smoking rule repeatedly and her friend is furious . She suspected that’s the reason she suddenly offered to move in with us and pretended it’s to take care of my wife and the baby is she needs a place to stay .

I told my wife and she got mad at me for calling her sister to “bitch about her mom get reassurance about my paranoia”. She did call her mom and her sister was right. Her mom said she has no place to go and she promised to smoke outside only and take good care of my wife . I told my wife that this woman has never been there for you or your sister ! She missed our wedding because her POS bf of her at the time didn’t like long flights ! How could she possibly trust her? She said she feels so bad for her that she was homeless and she wants to mend their broken relationship. She said her mom was so sincere and really excited to be a grandmother. I told her no! She started screaming and left for work . I’m going to ask her sister to help me out as she fully agrees with me .

I keep it short. My ( m37) wife ( f32) is currently pregnant with our first baby. Her mom is a chain smoker. Her house reeks ! I can’t even go to her place because I have asthma . She lives across the country so we don’t see her often luckily.

My wife said mil wants to move in with us to take care of her postpartum. I told her no because second hand smoke ( even if she promises to smoke outside only , she still reeks) is dangerous for the baby . I offered to hire care during the day while I’m not home and I can take care over everything once I get home. She said she is not comfortable with that and she only wants her mom . I told her I was not comfortable with her mom and it’s a hard no .
She called me an asshole and paranoid . She said she grew up with smoking parents and she is fine and I’m acting like a lunatic . Any advice ? Am I overthinking?

tldr: mother in law smokes like a chimney and I don’t want her to move in with us
Update : https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/9tAxCGYkc2