Am I a bad person..?
My bf is in the hospital right now after an incident and this isnt the first time. Weve been dealing with his alcoholism for years and years now and initially his family said they'd prefer I wait to see him so I did. At first I was skeptical and was going to refuse and go regardless but they said he needed tough love, and to be honest with you if I was there I may have convinced myself to try and find a way to get him out of the mess he put himself in.. again..
I went to go see him for a little while and he was so incredibly angry with me, saying this was all my fault and that I dont care, that I hate him. It hurts too much to see him like this. The nurse noticed him getting riled up and told us to calm down, but I was trying to be as gentle and kind as possible. He clearly isn't even himself. I don't even think he was registering what I was saying properly. I didn't stay for long. I did not want to make him more upset and make things difficult for the nurses, and I felt like I was about to have a traumatic response.
I've spent so many nights with him drunkenly rambling or falling asleep by my side, so many scares in which I thought he would overdo it.
Is he right? Am I a bad person..? Am I terrible for listening to his family and waiting to see him until a few hours after he got checked in? Am I terrible for advocating for him to get treatment?
This is all far far too much and I am so so tired. I love him with all of my heart. But it hurts. This hurts.