u/throwra-12346

Could really use some help navigating this one.

My daughter just came to me and told me that she’s “officially” dating her best friend. This happened without a prior conversation, so we were unable to talk about the reasons why this may not be the best idea.

They’ve been best friends for 3 years now. They do everything together. As her mom, it has genuinely been such a joy to watch them grow up together.

I don’t even think they’d do anything beyond holding hands at this point, to be honest.

A couple of issues: Issue #1) I’m gay, and that already makes her parents uncomfortable. It took some time for us to get past it. We still don’t discuss it.

Issue #2) Both myself and her friend’s parents regularly go through their phones. Immediately after she told me, I went through her phone. Sure enough, they were texting about it.

Issue #3) She told her via text that she was going to talk to me about it, so her parents will know that I know.

Issue #4) There is a group chat with 2 other friends whose parents are also MAGA and also go through their phones. They are all very close friends. I am not close with any of them for obvious reasons.

Issue #5) Her friend’s older sibling is also closeted out of fear with how her parents would react.

I am worried that she’ll lose a friend, of course. However, I’m more concerned that her friend and her older sibling could potentially face bigger issues at home beyond that.

I told my daughter to invite her friend over so we could have a chat about how to handle this. I don’t want to break trust with her parents, I also don’t want to tell them and risk her life at home blowing up.

I don’t know what kind of parental controls everyone has on phones. I’m wondering if it isn’t worth involving the older sibling/ group chat and getting some of the texts deleted. I really don’t want to overstep, but idk from the horror stories I’ve heard from girls I’ve dated, I’m legitimately concerned for them.

Any advice is appreciated.