u/thumbalina77

I don’t quite know how to describe this, but essentially the further I progress through transition (7 months hrt+out), the more I’ve felt this weird sense of feeling like an outsider, like I fundamentally struggle to relate to my friends in a way I either used to or didn’t think about before?

This has all come to ahead since my best friend (gay man) recently has been seeing a guy in a fwb/dating situation. Both of us have always related and been there to vent to each other about the struggles of finding physical and emotional connection, in ways I can’t with my straight cis girlfriends. But his current situation seeing guys has like triggered a reminiscence of when I was full gay twink mode seeing grindr situation-ships. Reminding me of the trauma and good times I had with that.

I guess fundamentally we’re just in different places in life. I’m at the end of my nursing degree in endless assignment/exam/placement hell whilst working part time and still pretty much in the beginning of developing my sense of self and living authentically. Whereas his just started a new course, out having fun, etc.

The same can be said for all my other friends (who are cis straight women). Like I love them no differently and have a great time with them still ofc, yet I feel distant cause what they’ve got going on like boyfriends, dating, etc. things they’re dealing with, they’re goals/plans, etc are things I just can’t relate to at all right now.

I think part of it’s just life and the nature of how friendships change in your early 20s. However, transitioning has me feeling like I’m living on another planet. (Whether it’s the mental or physical side of things). For example, I’m stringently saving 50k for ffs and then after that GRS 🫩, whilst my friends don’t have to deal with something like that in their reality.

Ideally having trans friends irl would help this, but I’ve found trans friends can have just as much differences (me being 7months in vs someone 5+ yrs, different financial circumstances, blablabla).

TL;DR

I think back to when I was a very dissociated gay boy, and as much as I’m thankful that’s over lol, the consequence of being my authentic self comes with tackling realities that differ significantly from everyone else’s around me. I have to get used to the absence of not relating to others as much as I used to.

Idk I guess what I’m saying is it just feels lonely. I know grinding away at my degree and saving are setting me up to get where I wanna be in the coming years, but fuck being in the midst of it sucks.

I’d love to hear about what things, big or small, you guys do during your day-to-day that help you get through the trials and tribulations of it all.

I’m in a rough spot at the moment (life, dysphoria, blablabla) and I’m in desperate need of ways to uplift myself from dysphoria and yearning.

E.g.:

Putting on a nice perfume or styling my hair gives a little burst of euphoria that helps me to feel like the women the brain worms are saying I’m not.

In terms of the yearning, horniness, physical and romantic craving for a man fuckery………

Currently my only remedy is to smoke a blunt -> daydream -> have some fun while off in fantasy land. Experiencing the emotions without the shitty-ness that clouds everything when I’m sober.

Unfortunately becoming a full blown stoner, relying on it as a crutch, is sadly not an option if I wanna be a functioning adult 😭.

Pls there’s gotta be better ‘pick me up’s’ I can use to help me through these things!!!!! 🙏😫

All I used to watch/read was gay porn/smut. But as I’ve transitioned (7months HRT) watching/reading about gay men having sex is dysphoric.

My problem is whenever porn has women in it, trans or otherwise, I get completely turned off. I just end up watching it like a documentary completely unaroused like ‘yay happy for you, go girl get that dick’. (and I mean good quality armature straight stuff not just made for straight men).

So yea I’m DESPERATE for any suggestions from fellow straight trans girls. Just started progesterone and I’M FERAL HELP!!! (real thing is off the table rn I’m preoccupied trying to not fail my degree😭).

I do use my imagination but only when I’ve got a crush or something to latch onto. Love my toys so that’s all g.

Currently solo male videos with role-play or lots of dirty talk is my fav. Struggling to find good vids though, WOULD LOVE suggestions.

But solo doesn’t always hit, I also want to see/read about sex that has chemistry/passion, so pls all suggestions or advice is welcome.

So assignment is due (after a 7 day extension) at 10am, currently 4:53am, and I've only done a lazy 1/8th of it so far. Basically nothing but finding sources and format everything.

I've been accepted for my dream grad program (extremely important for my career/getting employed) but its conditional on the grounds I receive my degree at the end of the year.

This unit has 2 assignments weighted 25% and then an exam weighted 50%. I got 40% on my first assignment (35% taken off due to 7 day late penalty, despite the extensions I was granted). In other words, I NEED TO SUBMIT THIS ON TIME otherwise I'm screwed needing a high mark on a notoriously hard exam.

But also... if it's one day late with 5% off I can most likley get at least 60% which means needing 52% on the exam. Not the worst so maybe I'll just keep on avoiding some more and take a nap?!?! 🫠

Also, this is the second time I'm doing the unit, I dropped out last semester day before the exam because I gave up (and yes that means I'm now redoing assignments I've done before from scratch having to make sure I don't self plagiarise).

I have a form from my psychiatrist to remove the academic penalty from dropping 3 units last semester. Buttttttt I haven't submitted it cause I'm avoiding having to write the brief cover letter I need to submit it with. I know the cutoff for submitting it is close but I haven't checked specifics cause I'm scared.

Also I have an assignment due Thursday morning and one next Monday morning, both being AFTER extension(s), I haven't started either, thus I have to splurge on a psychiatrist visit for a certificate to extend them AGAIN. I also haven't checked my marks for those other unit's first assignments, cause I'm scared I'll find out I can't come back from it 😀.

I've called in sick to yesterdays shift, will have to today and probs tomorrow... so now I'm loosing money, gut-wrenchingly anxious, faking influenza, and wasting an hour writing a reddit post!!

To top it off messing up graduating/secure employment means delaying and jeopardising being able to save for gender affirming surgery (not covered by anything in my country) so I can live without crippling dysphoria and be seen unequivocally as a women to people rather than overtly trans.

But I keep dragging out the agony. Doing this assignment is like 1+1=2 in terms of logic, motivation, desire, consequences, my life, etc. Yet.........

Hi, so I'm considering getting a tracheal shave in the near future rather than waiting to get it with ffs. The problem is I'm set on a minimal/scarless technique that doesn't result in a scar directly on the throat (even if it'd eventually heal to where I can only notice- I just know there's a good chance it's something I'd fixate over).

I've researched online extensibly but can't really find anything. Just looking for any advice, maybe places I can contact, etc? My GP has only been able to provide surgeons interstate or ones in WA that'd use a direct incision (including Perth ENT centre).

I'm also worried that if I do find someone in Perth that there'd be the risk of having subpar results vs a surgeon like the ENT on Dr Reddy's team for example that has more experience and reviews. Should I just wait until I get ffs interstate/overseas?