u/tif6101

I feel so ashamed for taking so long for my bachelor's degree- I'm the 6th year in. Started at 17, turning 24 soon. For context, I've always done well in school. Even graduated with honors from high school. Passed all my tests within the standard duration of 3-4yrs. And then came my thesis. From thesis proposal to fieldwork to advisory- everything that could go wrong went wrong. Sampling got stagnated by a year and a half (seasonal) and i had to redo it 3 times- triple the amount of work. Okay now I did all of that and switched jobs from a part time supermarket cashier to a full time call center agent. Worst job everrrr, since I got put into a heavy project with rude ass customers (worked here for a year). I already had anxiety and was there for the money and it was just the worst decision. For some reason the company kept adding more rules and introducing programs for customer satisfaction. QA became more strict for some reason, so it was so unfair getting graded almost every day and unfairly in some cases. So mentally draining the frickk.

Back to the thesis part, I reached out to my mentors when needed and then I eventually stopped. I was overwhelmed, because at the same time, conveniently I had family drama. I cut contact off from my family (other stuff happened too, which I won't be sharing for legal reasons) and felt so betrayed by the people I loved dearly. It felt like I had no anchor anymore and that things would never be the same again. It all felt so much, I broke down at work in my locker room during my short break. Followed by multiple crying sessions (just tearing up) during calls the following weeks. So I submitted my resignation. I remember the last days sitting behind the pc and placing my headphone on the desk, basically just not responding to customers while hearing them say: Helloo..helloo?. I then got sick twice in a row after quitting my job- which almost took a month to recover- never in my life was I that sick, I thought I would die forreal. First the cold and then a stomach virus. Horrendous. I lost so much weight and slept so much in my bed I got rashes. I couldn't bring myself to answer calls and respond to school emails. I just could not and basically ghosted college (I'm avoidant). I did nothing for half a year and was living on my savings (i dont really have savings anymore lol) Some days I literally ate just bread and peanut butter. I was heartbroken, had no degree, no job, no money, no partner and no home. It felt like a big slap in my face, since I went from being 'academically gifted', being the poster child, to someone wanting to quite. It all felt so hard.

Somewhere along the way, I asked God for help. And for some reason weird reason I had a dream of a woman in white praying over me. I'm not even deeply religious so I don't know what that meant. The following weeks, I started to eat well, look after myself and little by little I got my shit together. Now in the present, I'm about to graduate. I reconciled with my mother in some way- It's still not the same as it was before. Things are still unresolved with my older sibling, I don't think I have the mental bandwidth to deal with that any moment soon

I know it was a mouthful, but I just needed an outlet. I still carry a sense of shame/ guilt for taking so long. But I atleast know it's almost finished. Oh yeah, I'm also working as a waitress now. And after I'll finish I don't even know what I'll do with my life, since I'm not even that passionate about it.