u/tiredoftrying33

I acknowledge that I had things I did wrong during this relationship, confronting her about her drinking in a way that was not productive pulling away when I should’ve been trying to draw closer resenting her instead of loving her

As I’ve been grieving the last few days about my ex-wife and that we’re no longer together and missing her I tried to give myself some grace. forgive myself for things I’ve done wrong.

But at the same time, I’m overwhelmed with the fact that it was just me trying, and of course I’m gonna be doing things wrong. If I’m the only one trying, there was no communication no acknowledge of my efforts just complete self-indulgence on her part.

When I’m trying to admit my part in this whole thing, the difficult part comes in when I realize she would use my apologies and my confessions against me. All the times that I would forgive her for the horrible things she did while drinking and yet she holds on the words that I would say in anger and confronting her drinking and use them as justification that I was a bad person in real reality. I’m just reacting in a bad way to the situation.

I’m not trying to give myself a pass. I am trying to be gentle with myself and forgive myself for my part. I’m trying to be accountable, but where is her accountability? Where is her role in the damage that was done to our relationship?

I’m just grieving today again. I don’t see it ending anytime soon.

Its a holiday and i always cooked up a big meal. Shes not here with me anymore and i miss her.

But what i missed was not real. She is a broke person and she broke me as well.

If shes not drinking now she soon will be.

How the hell do you love someone and hate them at the same time?

I am really having a hard time with not taking all that has happened as an attack on me.

Why was i not good enough?

Did you ever truley love me?

They say their behavior is a reflection of their character. But it so hard to see the truth in that.

dealing with a lot of emotions tonight

The newest is the realization that I was never loved like I really thought I was loved. Do I believe she loves me yes but I don’t believe she loved me in a healthy way like she should have like a normal relationship and only now coming out of it am I starting to realize that. And that’s very sad.
i’ve been struggling with the realization that she was not who I thought she was that she truly is a troubled person with lots of trauma. I spoke to her daughter tonight in the way that her kids speak about her is troubling they gave up on her, they’ve moved on she will never gain their trust and love like she could have. I believe in a way I was the only thing holding her together with them. They have a better relationship with me and I’m not even there real father and that’s truly sad.

Today I’m not only morning my marriage in the relationship but I am mourning the very idea of who I thought she was in my mind and right now that’s the most troubling

I could use some encouraging words, some advice some steps to how to get through this. I’m struggling with living the rest of my life without someone that I loved.

I left my alcoholic wife well now ex-wife and I don’t plan to ever go back. The last 10 years have been up and down and just absolutely just miserable. I couldn’t take anymore and I had to go nothing ever changes.

Pray for me to just just receive peace peace was my decision freedom from guilt and just peace to know that God has it is gonna provide

Would love to discuss with men who left their alcoholic wife.

please pm me your stories of hope

I need to hear that you stopped missing them and was able to start over

Some days are hard just reflecting on how messed up i am.

Im not around her any more but i suffer every day. Im so tired of feeling this way.

I know it gets better but it just sucks so bad.

i hate my life

the idea of never having them im your life?

To never see them again…. forever

im struggling with the concept

We broke up. We got back together. We broke up again. We got back together we divorced we got back together.

Finally, I no longer have any hope that she will change. I have learned so much in all this go back-and-forth. Anything that I was holding onto is now gone. My only truth is I know how much I loved her. I know how hard I tried how hard I worked on us and me and tried to help her. while she did nothing.

I’ve learned that a sweet person that I thought I knew does not exist any longer and I don’t even know how much of it was real

I have to start over and that’s OK. I don’t have to look for the bottles anymore. I don’t have to listen to the lies. I can no longer be manipulating gaslit. I know now that she is lost and at her age I doubt she’ll ever be found.

It is a sad realization that you can’t love it out of somebody. I hate this. It’s not what I wanted. It’s not what I dreamed about. I thought I had found my person. But that person was a drunk, a drug addict a pill popper, a liar, a narcissist, and a manipulator those of the facts no one hurts more to hear that than me she knows what she is, but I had to learn who she is.

God help me God help us all

been thinking a lot about what used to be and what could’ve been all weekend

I think the hardest part for me right now is realizing all the excuses I made for her all the times I defended her in my mind that she wasn’t this narcissistic, selfish person or lies

She absolutely is. I found evidence that goes back a long time before me repeats a lot of this behavior from her. It’s very much narcissistic very much entitled there’s no denying it have been denying it for a long time and I can’t any

So now I’m faced with living with the fact that the person I was with for the last 10 years was just a figment of my imagination wishful thinking and prayers that she was a better person

I feel so damaged. I feel so lied to in the person. I’m starting to despise the most is myself I put up with this. I ignored the red flags. I made excuses for it’s so much worse now I think it was better when I realized she was just an alcoholic, but now to be face-to-face with the reality that she is truly a narcissist in the worst possible way and has done some horrible things not just me but her first husband as well. It’s been really difficult for me to accept.

Started a breakdown earlier and I stopped myself. I’m not going to shed another tear for this person that does not exist. I can’t do it.

Any advice on how to move on would be greatly appreciated

After many years of begging and pleading and fighting and breaking up and getting back together, it’s finally over.

We divorced, we got back together, it ended the same way

I finally discovered there’s not enough love in this world to fix this shit.

she’s not a good mother how can I expect her to be a good companion or a wife? She’s selfish she’s broken and I hate to admit it, but she’s just not a good person.

I’m 54. I’m starting over again. I’m alone. I’m scared and I’m so so tired.

If you can relate, if you have words of encouragement, I sure could use it

I really want the shire set to complete my lotr lego collection. But it feels so plain. i have looked at the mods to improve and they look really good.

Has anyone done these mods to this set?

Were you pleases with outcome?

How much did it cost?