Missing someone for 8 months and falling into anguish every night ✌️🫶 I feel so pathetic I thought it was supposed to get better by now
Days are nice but I feel lonelier when nighttime hits and waves of memories surface again
Not good art but I just needed to draw again and throw things to the void ig
I feel like my heart is ripped out every single day, I miss them so so much I miss playing outer wilds and learning from them I miss drawing I miss feeling cozy and safe and like I had a friend who I didn't need to mask or pretend around I just wanted to feel good? I guess? I don't even know what I wanted
I know blocking was the right choice, everyone said they weren't healthy for me and it was a toxic friendship, but it's been almost 6 months and every waking moment I miss them like I've been stabbed and I just don't know how to move on
I'll work with my therapist more, I've even done EMDR a few times, but I just cannot stop thinking about this friend despite people saying they treated me so so bad
I just wish they'd find a way to reach out somehow, I feel so guilty for that, I know it's not healthy but I just miss the sense of home I felt around them and nothing's felt right and everything feels like it's fallen apart, I doubt they're even the same person now so it's probably just a sense of pain that can never truly be fixed with any closure- I'm scared they forgot me already and I feel deep down like I deserve it ig? Even if it's logically good for me in the long run, this's been the most tiring few months I've ever felt in my life
If anyone's read this full thing or wants to give any tips, how do you move on from a friend who just felt like Home? [not in a romantic sense but just comfort and safety]
It's been months but I'm not over someone, I feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm always not
I'm needy I'm desperate for love and attention I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes but other times I've been doing so much better, but other times I want to rip and tear and scream and cry
I want my friend back but they hurt me and everyone tells me they hurt me too much and to never go back
I'm scared of what everyone thinks of me, I'm scared to be talked to or ignored, I wish I wasn't constantly either "doing better" or falling into this spiral of rumination, guilt, and pure yearning to have certain people find a way to reach out
I feel like an amalgamation of everyone I've ever cared about, and I just want to feel safe and at home again without being toxic or needy
[I have a therapist, I work through emotions as best I can, I don't draw very well but just feel like exploding sometimes and wanted to throw things here]