u/toadpuddles

I’m presenting this idea because the narrative that women are uniquely and unfairly advantaged on dating apps doesn’t seem to align with my experiences.

Granted, if I had wanted to I could’ve had sex about 100 times by now. At one point I had like 900+ right swipes on Tinder and could’ve hypothetically said yes to all of them. A guy I knew at the time had like 20 likes.

I don’t really see this being a true advantage beyond raw numbers though, because when talking to these men it was extremely obvious they basically just saw me as a warm pussy. About half were outright disgusting, and others were still very clearly looking for a masturbatory aid. The sex would have been bad, and I probably wouldn’t have even orgasmed. The only point of it would’ve been to have sex for the sake of it or maybe validation?

So I have an advantage in raw numbers, but very few of those I’m truly attracted to, and most of those were red flags, and the ones that weren’t red flags just wanted a masturbatory aid. All in all I got like 4 dates out of Tinder, and two of them were clearly fronts to get me to hook up after I clearly stated I would not be doing that.

I’ve had very few true relationships because I am very very choosey and don’t like having sex without commitment (learned that lesson). Most men expect sex up front and use that to gauge how “into them” you are. Because of that I was excluded from the dating pool by most men I was attracted to as well.

So I was in a situation even on Tinder, the hypothetically most advantageous space for women, where I have a choice between endless bad sex or like 2 dudes who might maybe take the time to actually date and treat me like a person.

So unless you’re a very promiscuous woman to just really enjoys being penetrated (which is not the majority of women in my experience) your options are actually very few.

I imagine a lot of men will say “more choices are better than none!” which I agree with to an extent, but in actuality my choices were very limited because these men immediately exclude me from the pool as well.

In my view most men are excluded at the swiping stage (step 1) but most women are excluded at the talking stage (step 2). So women have more immediate options but they dwindle significantly almost immediately. So my theory is the true success ratio evens out between the sexes.

I’m sympathetic to the idea that a deluge of bad dick is less emotionally hurtful than radio silence, because there is admittedly a rush of validation seeing 900+ people who’re attracted to you.

On the other hand, I had to step away from Tinder personally because the harassment and objectification was affecting my mental health very badly as well; making me paranoid, cynical towards men, and made my ED flare up. So I think the negative consequences of Tinder is also not one sided in that regard either.

TLDR: 1. Women and men get dwindled choices at different stages of the dating app cycle, making women seem advantaged when only tracking swipes, but overall success is mostly equal between the sexes.

2. The mental health consequences of engaging with a dating app are different in nature between the sexes but both still get negative consequences.

With these two things in mind, women cannot be said to unequivocally have an advantage on dating apps.

Recently engaged and we’re working towards getting married next year. I’m also in OCIA at the moment and should be “fully Catholic” by the time we get married. My fiancé is a cradle catholic and getting married in the church is very important to us.

I skimmed our parish’s webpage on the process of getting married there and it mentioned the FOCCUS test, which I also snooped via some googling. There are a few questions about NFP on there, which made me nervous.

During my time in OCIA I have been happy with my choice to join the Catholic Church and agree with the majority of what is taught to me.

The sticking point is the church’s teachings on sexuality. I do not agree, I have tried to agree but just don’t. I planned to give my doubts to God and it wasn’t something that would stop me from converting.

I’m lucky because my birth control is medically necessary. I put NFP out of my mind because I will never need to do it and didn’t expect to be grilled on it.

Since we need to take the FOCCUS test and go over the answers with our priest (I also believe the retreat we’re required to do will also bring NFP up) my opinion on NFP will probably come up.

I’m not going to lie to a priest just to get married. Could the priest refuse to marry us because of my (our) opinion on birth control?

EDIT: I accept the teachings. I am converting because I trust church teachings more than my mind. I said “disagree” because that is the unfortunate truth, not because I think the church is wrong.

I watched my sister wait “until they’re ready” and she ended up changing a four and five year old’s giant poop diapers. It was disgusting and I told my fiancé we’re not going to wait that long when we have kids.

My sister ended up having to force them to potty train for school because they wouldn’t allow kids who aren’t potty trained to start kindergarten. She complained but I thought it was 100% reasonable.

She never got any signs they were ready like she wanted. Seems to me like she could’ve saved herself and us a lot of smells and trouble if she hadn’t waited.

I see people online mention they had to wait until their kids were “ready” all the time. I see them complain about potty training guidelines for schools and daycares. I see teachers complaining online about how kids aren’t potty trained anymore too.

My mom told me she’d never heard of that and you’re supposed to start around two to three years old. Is this a new thing or what? Why?