Having a sexuality crisis, please give advice
I have never had a Reddit account only ever looked through a couple subreddits on Google but I made an account because I’m losing my mind.
I (19f) have been extraordinarily confused on my sexuality for eight years. When I was about 11 a friend of mine came out to me as bisexual, when he started talking about how he came to that conclusion I kind of went oh shit that sounds like me. Mulled over it for a while came to the conclusion I was bisexual as well, and told no one. Time passed everyone around he had crushed, I did not, looked in to it more and came to the second conclusion that I was aro/ace because I felt the same for everyone (where I got the bi thing from) and the same was absolutely nothing.
Then when I was 14 I developed a crush on my best friend (original ik) and went back into panic mode. This didn’t last very long, but I did conclude from this that I do like girls, still haven’t said anything to anyone.
I don’t know if I like guys or not which is where my problem is coming from. I would gladly be in romantic relationship with a guy or girl, would kiss either, but the idea of sex with either is not particularly intriguing to me. However if I had a girlfriend I would do it if it made her happy, I don’t know if I would for a boyfriend.
I am pretty sure I am somewhere on the ace spectrum after all, not too concerned about where. But the girls/guys thing has been tripping me up for years. I have this little ear worm every time I think I am finally going to settle on something that tells me I don’t even like girls at all and am just putting ideas in my own head and am making things up. And again I would date a guy, but there is a point where I think I would be more willing to put myself in uncomfortable situations for a girl and not a guy.
Please help, I need advice. I feel like I am going crazy. I haven’t been able to work up the courage to talk to anyone about any of this in the almost decade it’s been on my mind and I really need some guidance.