u/tofu98

Seriously asking. I just found out a family member has been secretly injecting cortexin and im honestly bewildered. This stuff isnt approved for use in my country. It isnt regulated or tested for quality as a result here. No doctor oversight.

From what ive read the benefits/results are minor and debatable at best. So why on earth would anyone gamble with their life and health by injecting unregulated substances shipped from another country that has absolutely no culpability if anything goes wrong?

I had my first 5meo dmt experience about 8 months ago. Honestly probably one of the most profound and beneficial experiences of my life. However it was also probably by far one of the scariest things that's ever happened to me.

Basically I took the biggest hit I could muster, held it, and by the time i was thinking of exhaling I was gone. It was like standing on the ground and suddenly being swept into a cosmic tsunami. I was immediately plunged into a black eternal void where light and sound didnt exist. I essentially rationalized that I must have been dying. I immediately felt this deep profound sense of horror, sadness, and dissapointment that my life was ending. I thought of my friends and family and how i was leaving them behind, how they'd have to deal with the fact i had died, thought about how id never see the results of the very stressful job id been working on. Then I had the word for word thought of "I am experiencing the end of my life. This moment right now is the last thing ill ever experience." This thought was seemingly an anchor point for my ego as right after I finished this thought I basically dissolved into what I can only describe as pure energy. I no longer existed or had any thoughts. I was just this infinite binaural pulsating energy wave (reminiscent of roughly 147hz).

Im not exactly sure how long this lasted. However when it did end I basically had my vision kind of blur back into reality and I slowly breathed myself back into my friends living room to see my friends staring at me.

I then cried super hard and felt this immeasurably deep gratitude that I was still alive. Since this experience ive felt intense deep gratitude for every facet of my life as I genuinely thought my life was over but now I get a second chance.

So it was a cool, beneficial and horrifying experience. However ive read a bunch of people saying their 5meo experiences were very different. Basically they dissolved into pure non dual eternal cosmic love type stuff. However a common theme with these types of reports is the user saying "you cant fight it and just need to fully embrace it." However this has left me wondering how do you "embrace it" if its a common feeling for a ego death to feel like an actual death?

Personally i think im not going to use 5meo dmt ever again as I feel like I got the message I needed. I also dont see how I could possibly embrace this experience and not fight it when I really dont want to die right now. I understand were all gonna die and its inevitable. However im young and still have a lot of things I want to experience. So how could I ever truly just accept and not fight that my life was ending?

Thoughts appreciated. Thanks.

Sadly think im about to leave my company. Theyre really nice people but the job i just started is genuinely the worst ran project ive ever seen. Everyone in leadership roles is quitting, jobs grossly underbid, remaining management seems completely unaware of how bad things actually are, GC is a dick, the list goes on...

This will be the first time ive ever left a company because my gut is screaming at me to leave.

Got me wondering what other peoples thresholds for this type of thing are.

GC got pretty pissed at me today and apparently my response gave him the impression that "i didnt give a fuck".

Just made me wonder if I should've handled it differently. Basically just said sorry and this needs to be done. Then said if he needs to complain to my office I get it.

I guess I was too non chalant? I dont know. Ive kind of learned to deal with angry people pissed about schedules by just seeing them as noise. All I can do is try my best and if its not good enough then they can get rid of me. Past that I dont see why I should stress myself out or beg for their forgiveness.

Construction is a dysfunctional ass stupid industry. Emotional disengagement is kind of what allows me to survive.

I feel like every company i go to theres tons of guys in management who have the attitude of "the inspector wont see this lets just bury it." And if you actually try to do things right but it takes a little longer than just hacking it they just bitch that your taking too long.

Shit makes me sad. I just want to do proper installs and conduct my career in an ethical way.