Help with cat introduction drama!
Hi, all. My spouse and I are struggling with the introduction process for our resident 6-yo male cat (Seiji) and a 2-yo male cat we just adopted (Mochi/"Cheeks") and I'm trying not to lose all hope. Cheeks is the chillest cat in the entire universe and could not be more eager for friendship. He was fostered in a local cat cafe affiliated with a lovely rescue, so he's very used to having other feline pals as well as humans loving on him all the time. He is FIV+ but otherwise healthy and vaccinated, and has our vet's blessing.
We brought Seiji home when he was a kitten during the pandemic, and he lived in relative peace and harmony with our old lady cat until she passed away a few months ago. He looooves attention and has been much more clingy since we lost his sister, so we wanted to get him a pal. We decided on another boycat and we thought we found the perfect companion. Unfortunately, Seiji does not agree so far!
We've been going super slow, trying the Jackson Galaxy "Eat, Play, Love" method — unfortunately, we are stuck somewhere in the Eat/Play phase, and "Love" seems impossible! We started by isolating Cheeks in our home office, doing scent-swapping, then adding swapping spaces. Seiji stopped hissing at us when we smelled like Cheeks pretty early on, and they can now eat meals peacefully on opposite sides of the first floor of our. house, with a bit of a visual barrier in between. But we are stuck at having them in the same room for any length of time when not eating, even when trying to engage them both in fun activities or giving treats. The problem is that Cheeks absolutely wants to be friends, meows desperately at night and often when he's alone in his "room," and will just walk right up to Seiji without a care in the world. Seiji is having none of this and will just start hissing and growling when he gets too close. We try giving him treats and love and attention to distract him, but it's ineffective, so we end up abandoning ship and putting poor Cheeks back in his room. It's been 18 days and we're so discouraged! We just want Cheeks to be able to leave the isolation tank because he's such a social boy and clearly hates it. We try to spend as much time with him as possible, but it's getting hard to do. Nights are the worst, too! Help? Any advice very much appreciated.
ETA: Seiji (resident cat) is FIV-, which is of course part of the reason we're going slow and not just letting them "figure it out," as I've admittedly done in the past with various cats and situations. 😬 Seiji is largely a lover not a fighter, but you never know...