u/tough_decision439

Since I upped my antidepressants a few months ago, I have trouble sleeping. I'll lay awake for hours and the finally sleep at 1-2 am, then get up at 6 am. This will go on for 2-3 nights until I'm so exhausted I'll sleep for 15 hours or so. (Writing this at 0:20 am, wide awake yet tired)

My brain just won't shut up. I haven't had sleep problems in ~15 years (had problems in puberty but they went away when I became an adult). My antidepressants sadly don't help me sleep, they actually do the opposite, hence I take them in the morning. Decreasing my dosage isn't an option, my depression is pretty stubborn.

I need to go to the doctor, right? I feel like this isn't "bad enough", but that's probably stupid.

This is ridiculous. I just did my little crafting for about half an hour and now I'm exhausted. Yesterday I played the Sims for an hour, then had to take a nap because I had no energy left.

I wish people knew how it feels to not even have energy for fun stuff. Even if they require little physical movement. The only thing I can do is doomscroll on my phone, really. Being sick sucks.

I'm 30 and have had intense knee pain for 10 years. It's gotten worse over time. At first I was diagnosed with peripheral spondylitis and took sulfasalazine (which provided some relief but at a very high dose), then my diagnosis was changed to undifferentiated connective disorder. I now take hydroxychloroquine. I had short steroid burst therapies twice and it helped so much. The hydroxychloroquine helped nicely for some time, but I think I'm in a flare now. I'm in so much pain and feel fatigue too. I take lots of painkillers just to get out of bed. Might be tmi but I sometimes can't get up from the toilet, like.. I'm 30. Life shouldn't be like this.

The worst thing is, I got MRIs and ultrasounds done and they can't find anything wrong with my knees. I have all the inflammation markers but you can't see it in my knees. They found patella dysplasia but the orthopedist just brushed it off.

I'm starting to wonder if this is all in my head?? How is it possible that I'm crying in pain when there's nothing wrong with my knees?? What's wrong with me? I feel like my rheumatologist doesn't take me seriously anymore and I'm so devastated.

It's impacting my work, my friendships and honestly I'm living in such a dirty apartment because I can't really clean.

I think I just needed to vent for a moment. Please tell me I'm not crazy. :(

I've been having symptoms for 10 years and my diagnosis got reclassified as lupus a year ago (before, my diagnosis was peripheral spondylitis). I'm being treated with hydroxychloroquine. I'm not sure how to tell if I'm in a flare or not. I'm in pain most of the time (joint pain, primarily in the knees and fingers) and fatigued as well. My rheumatologist said that not being in pain is not a reasonable expectation to have. Does that mean that my baseline is being in pain and fatigued and a flare is even worse? I sometimes have brief periods of being pain-free, but they're rare (maybe a combined 3 months per year). Are these the actual remission periods and the flares are the painful periods?

I think hearing how "bad" others' flares are in contrast to "normal" status could really help me understand how it works for me. Thanks in advance.