i want to ruin myself
i don't know if it's the right place to post this or right flair, but i just feel terrible, i have a long distance relationship with a girl who's depressed and suicidal and im trying my best to go and spend some time with her or bring her here but every plan fails, now i finally got a job, i promised to meet her in june but my boss said they need me those days because many people will be missing. she's the only one hat made me feel like a person, like im worth and if i tried i could maybe hope and do something instead of keep failing and giving up, but she's hopeless and i feel too, i feel like i wont actually make it happen, like giving my best with the only thing ive ever wanted to do, to commit, to actually say "no i want this and im not giving up" in life wont happen and ill end up failing.
if i failed this i already decided that i don't wanna commit or try anything else, just live like a waste on the couch and rot and ruin myself by going to public places and offering people sex or stuff like that for useless money i wont care about just to ruin myself, be just some useless slut that deserves nothing.
idk if the post will be banned for this but i don't care at this point so yk, if you need anything and are willing to pay yk where to find my chat