u/trelraltat04

Hi everyone. I've been thinking lately replaying in my head the personal traits that came to light after some analysis. I wanted to ask does this even matter? Please don't take this as silly. It's nighttime right now, so there might be mistakes or weird phrasing, sorry in advance.

I'm curious does the fact that a person barely understands themselves, not realizing how different their self-image is from how they actually come across in reality, say anything about their type? They might adopt traits from others if they like them. I've been watching a YouTuber for like 7–8 years, and I've been told by people who know both of us that I have similarities with him. I catch interests from others, I can build my style around something or someone like "oh, I like this girl from that movie, she wears this kind of outfit, so that means it goes together and it's fine, I want to wear more of that. Overall, it feels like copying often unconscious, only noticeable with explicit analysis and time. No internal sense of what's okay or not with people, how to express yourself. Social anxiety. For example, I had to give a presentation for the first time in a class with a professor who was unpredictable, whose behavior patterns I hadn't studied yet. The girl in front of me went with jokes and smiles without overdoing it. Then I went next, mimicking her or at least making my delivery similar to hers, but it came out awkward and stupid, to the point where I felt sick of myself afterwards. If she did it then it's allowed, I'm permitted. I'll try. I don't like my facial expressions sometimes they feel exaggerated, maybe because I subconsciously think that charismatic people do that, so maybe I'll look like that too. Though I rarely do it, you'd have to get close to me to see that side. I actively try not to show my emotions thinking I look stupid and exposed. No clear understanding of my own personality, so in search of it, to fill the void inside, I take tests and look for kin characters. A craving for labels, so I can give myself a personality and understand it.

Maybe there's a connection here with my Enneagram type 9, which is also known for often having issues with self-understanding. But no harm in trying, right? Hoping for some feedback. Honestly, I think I might have Fe PolR, but hell if I know

Hello to everyone reading this. While I've been seeing a psychologist and trying to analyze myself, I've discovered certain traits in myself that I hadn't been aware of before. And I'd like to confirm how normal this is for a 9 sp/sx. I thought that maybe I really can't see the log in my own eye, and I'm mistaking myself for someone else.

I'm a closed-off person who loves solitude. I prefer to avoid reality and live inside my own head, romanticizing life to some degree. I feel much more comfortable in my own imagination I've lived there since childhood, while the rest of the world is at a distance even a great distance. I'm waiting for the opportunity to move away from my parents and from other people's opinions and influence, to stay in my own shelter where I can drown in my own fantasies, prioritizing them just as I always have, but there it will be fully realized. The main thing I've started to worry about is my hidden, not-so-obvious desire for closeness. I don't seek it out. Such a person has never actually existed in my real life. I've never fallen in love in reality. But in my dreams I often think about someone who would understand and fully accept me someone who in any choice where I'm involved would choose me. Pure devotion and acceptance. Comfort and feelings. In my head I almost elevate these feelings, they feel like something beautiful.

In real life I need a long time to get close to someone before I can open up and feel comfortable. When that finally happens I subconsciously expect that this person will take the initiative themselves stay near me, stand, sit, turn toward me. That the choice will be one hundred percent in my favor in any situation. And if it doesn't work out that way I get upset and feel disappointed in the relationship and, apparently, in people. I find solace alone in my fantasies. Is this probably a search for an idealized partner? Someone who would understand me completely, not judge me and be able to give me a sense of warmth and comfort? At the same time I myself am distant. I can easily disappear for several days without answering messages. My time to myself is more valuable to me. Even after contact with my closest person I want to leave and rest from the strong feelings that come after that contact. Because of this I'm difficult to be with, I'm somewhat absent at times. I'm not ready to be with someone 24/7 it exhausts me. We talked for five hours on a call with my friend and then I won't answer her messages for a whole day, spending time on myself. Someone who is no longer in my life once noticed this and said that I most likely have an avoidant attachment style. I don't know. I just like being alone with my own interests and inside my own head, where the situation is more under my control and people are a little more ideal.

I'd like to ask is it normal for a self-preservation 9 to be like this? (Yep, I was thinking about the possibility of belonging to 5. But I do not fully understand myself to be sure. Just want to be more confident with my type now)

Hello. It's me again. Sorry for the spam, but I feel like I'm finally getting close to figuring myself out. I was reading about the creative and PoLR functions to finally confirm my type and I came across a useful description. In a comment, someone pointed out that the often-mentioned quality of Fe PoLR being unexpressive and quiet is just one way to avoid Fe PoLR. They also said that this description is vague and could fit many other possibilities, meaning it's not a definitive trait. So I'd like to clarify how well my own traits fit, because right now I'm strongly leaning toward Te creative (not without help from others).

I'm a sensitive person. It takes me a long time to warm up to people. At first I act friendly and non-judgmental with everyone, even if I'm a bit tense. But with people I've grown close to my attitude shifts and I open up. I wish I had someone who was 100% devoted to me someone like the version of myself I become when I'm with a close person. But usually people disappoint me in that regard, and I don't go out looking for people anyway. Having a friend group sounds interesting in theory I would want to feel comfortable with them, but I know I'd get tired. I wouldn't enjoy the fact that they could all message me and ask for my attention. I don't want to be pulled in fifteen directions at once. I can joke around a lot with people because honestly aside from joking I'm not sure what else to do. But again, most of that happens after I've already become closer to someone. In stressful situations, I joke even more. When I have to speak in front of people, I feel uncomfortable inside. I get tense and then I start becoming more expressive and people praise me for it. Still, I'm afraid of interacting with people and prefer to avoid it. Usually I don't have a noticeable mood. My emotional baseline is flat. Only an external event changes my state, and even then it's an internal emotion that causes physical discomfort cold hands and feet, a black hole feeling in my chest and stomach. In my normal state, I struggle to identify my mood or emotions. It's extremely uncomfortable for me to be around people who are upset, suffering or asking for my support. I might genuinely feel sorry for them, but I don't know what to do about it. Usually I just sit there in silence and try to force my brain to come up with a response. I rarely manage to say anything supportive. Conversations about feelings feel awkward to me and make me want to end the conversation and leave. It feels strange to talk about my love for someone or to open up about how I feel toward someone I care about. It's like being drenched in sweet syrup. I have a habit of holding back anger, letting it build up until I eventually explode. Inert ethics and irrationality seem most likely to me. I control my emotions and how much I receive them, maybe it's hypercontrol. I'm afraid of losing control over my emotions if they get too strong. I don't like being emotionally loud in public whether in a school building or anywhere else. But sometimes I get angry and become more noticeable. That happens when someone says something that offends me or something completely absurd that offends me by its sheer stupidity. In those moments, people might tell me I'm talking too loudly or try to calm me down, but until I've clarified the situation and expressed myself, I can't stop. There was a situation in school when a girl accused me of being a selfish bitch. She said I hadn't given others time to prepare for an exam that took place during school hours. I had just asked in the evening what time we needed to show up I wanted to make sure I didn't mess up. Because I asked, the supervisor posted about it in the group chat, which meant people who wanted to skip the first period couldn't. The girl told me I acted selfishly, knowing that those people needed that hour. But no, they didn't need that hour. How was I supposed to know? She hadn't run any polls to find out what anyone needed. We were sitting in class in a half-empty room. Because of this stupid argument and her accusations, I got angry, loud enough for people to hear. The whole situation pissed me off because it was stupid and pointless. In that moment, I didn't care how many people were nearby. I can cry when watching a movie or a TV show that really affects me, especially if I'm emotionally invested in the characters' situation. I also feel empathy for animals. I believe my empathy is mostly cognitive. I'm kind. I can help if someone asks me to or again, if we've become closer. I prefer to avoid confrontation with others because the consequences can be unpleasant. I'll likely have to share a building or classes with those people in the future, so I don't really want to create problems for myself. I remember how at school I didn't like to declare poetry. Expressive reading is not so easy, because emotions seem fake to me. Why would I do this while I'm reciting a poem by heart, if it looks awkward and stupid, very forced and I also don't experience anything like a lyrical hero myself? And even if I did, I wouldn't read in front of other people.

So basically I'm panicking. Maybe I'm overthinking everything, or maybe I just need to shut my brain up. I'm worried that I might actually have high Si instead of Ne. I'm asking here and hoping for your help and understanding. Maybe I just need some validation, otherwise I'm going to lose my mind with all these thoughts.

I do relate to Ne. Overall I've noticed it. I really do see potential possibilities when I'm faced with a choice, which makes me stop and think, seeing different options, weighing things like if someone tells me I need to go to a certain part of the city, I'll immediately start thinking about what I could wear, what I could bring, what I could do, where I could go and which route to take and I'll keep thinking about it before the event, mixing and matching options. When topics for essays are announced, I look at them and immediately assess how promising each topic is and how much I can get out of it. I'm genuinely a random person who's started a bunch of writing projects but never finished them even though years have passed and the ideas for them would come to me randomly, from outside sources. The thing that inspired me to write my best fanfic was a view from a window, from a balcony. It was an early summer evening, around five o'clock, the light looked really special, the sun rays and the greenery and I immediately pictured a scene in my head with characters I'd been reading about recently and I started writing drafts. I always do this start without a clear plan, figure things out as I go, changing details, ideas and even the meaning of the work along the way. I'm a perpetual daydreamer who lives in my fantasies, often ignoring problems, hiding away and retreating into comfortable activities and endless imagination. For me, everything depends on context there's no single truth, anything is possible. That's how I always answer questions when there are multiple possible answers to consider. In the socionics questionnaires I've tried, I also show a lot of that it depends on the specific situation, but generally speaking, although it's not a cure-all, all paths are open. I can't listen to music without imagining something to go with it picturing myself as a singer, as if I'm in a music video like I'm a singer and songwriter performing at a concert with a huge crowd and I'm having fun and singing on stage. Just enjoying a song without any visuals, imagery, or ideas is hard for me I'd have to deliberately focus. At the same time, I love comfort, pleasant sensations, good food, relaxation and entertaining myself alone in my room. I'm picky about food. I won't eat things I don't like even if I've never tried them before. It's important for me to have nice clothes that I like and feel comfortable in and a cozy room that I can come back to after a hard day at university. I'd rather come home, lie down and shut myself in my comfortable little world with my phone and some food. I think if you left me to live alone, my eating schedule would be somewhere where there was no one around, where no one could reach me or get out so basically really far away. I eat chaotically. I'm too lazy to cook anything that takes a long time like it seems interesting, but also help, I just want to lie down and do nothing. I don't usually plan my life far in advance. I'm afraid of the future. I worry that I have no idea who I'll be after I graduate. I just need a degree. I don't feel like I understand myself or what I want, so I'm worried I won't be able to find my place in the world. I often struggle to solve problems because I get anxious that I won't be able to handle them due to other people people you can't avoid when trying to fix things. I find it hard to work on a team with anyone except people I'm close to, so I prefer to do everything alone. It's easier that way, and no one can judge you for what you do. My whole life on the outside I've never been particularly sociable, never had many friends or hobbies. I just went to school, waited for it to end, walked home with my headphones on, bought some junk food, watched YouTube and thought and daydreamed. Maybe because I spent so much time doing that imagining myself as a different person I don't really know or recognize my current real self. It's like I'm water or something. I guess you could call that kind of life routine? I can't objectively evaluate myself from the outside, especially when it comes to sensory things. I think because I have trouble objectively assessing my appearance, I might overestimate myself, my tolerance for pain, and things like that. I often can't be bothered to brush my teeth. Self-care isn't my strongest or most developed trait, although I do generally take advice about that kind of thing, about health, but I'm often just too lazy. I'll help if someone asks me to do something physical I can push myself a little and even when I'm tired I can push through it to finish the physical task. I'm never really sure when someone asks me whether physical fatigue changes my mood. I don't think it does unless I'm literally dying of pain or something like that. For some reason I feel like if I were left to take care of myself, I'd get by on very little money, I wouldn't buy that much food for the week and I'd probably end up with stomach problems. I struggle with eating for the taste while also watching something, rather than eating because I'm hungry. I think I'm inattentive other people have confirmed this from the outside. I tend to be nostalgic sometimes, I don't like trying new things, like a newly opened place in the city I often eat the same dishes I already like, and I don't change my set very often, although I do pick different things at different times. I'm generally not open enough to go to brand new places. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable because of how some distant part of the city looks. I'm pretty static on my own, not the fastest person, but I think my reaction speed is okay tolerable.

Does any of this make sense? I'm worried that I might not understand myself well and that I might actually have high functions that I think are low. I constantly find evidence for or against a particular function based on my actions and thoughts. It's scary. Sorry if I'm bothering you with nonsense. I've started to see myself as Ne base, but at the same time I'm also struggling with Si and how that function works inside me...

Hey. I decided to try filling out this questionnaire to better understand my type, because right now I'm stuck and kind of torn between options. I'd really love to read your opinions and get some help. Long post, probably.

1. How much do you enjoy novel experiences? Are there places you would like to visit? Is there any food you would find interesting to eat at least once in your life? Are your holidays usually spent traveling?

I don't mind new experiences, but I feel like I prefer more mental experiences like a new episode of a show, something that starts my thought process gives me material for fantasies. As for places I'd prefer Asian countries. I'm drawn to their culture, the general vibe, the aesthetic, the atmosphere, how unusual it feels. I know my knowledge of these countries is limited to video games, aesthetics and a couple of dramas, but that's probably the only place I'd actually want to go. That said, I recently traveled to the capital of my country. I liked it, but it exhausted me. I walked around the zoo for two hours, got tired, got a headache and had to rest. I think I get sensorily exhausted easily while traveling. Not sure how to phrase it better.

Food? Not really craving anything specific. I'm picky. If a dish looks suspicious, I won't even put a spoon in my mouth. It's not like I'm that interested in exploring that kind of external thing.

Holidays? I usually spend them at home, on my phone, where most of my actual life happens. I watch videos, series, movies that interest me fantasizing, drowning in them, escaping into those worlds. I like having the freedom to not leave my burrow and not be touched by anyone.

I have a habit of eating junk or not-so-healthy food though I can eat healthy things too like berries and fruits. I think that's related to my eating disorders. But I saw somewhere that eating for taste, keeping someone company while watching something alone, could be a sign of Si. Just a hypothesis I want to check. I also like going to the lake or to faraway stores with my family to get some fresh air. In the car I'm always in my headphones, listening to music, drowning in fantasies and images. I don't mind helping my grandparents at their dacha either I'm actually useful with physical work. I can keep going even when tired (not forever though), work with my hands while my head stays free. Automatic actions, thoughts busy with something else.

2. Are you a spiritual person? Are there any religions you practice or believe in? Do you generally get interested in these kinds of things?

No, I don't consider myself spiritual. Agnostic or atheist. There are religious people around me, but I never adopted their experiences. As a child I saw going to church and religious things as more of a fairytale something amusing for kids, but strange that adults get so worked up about it. I haven't found a reason to believe. But I think I understand why others do. Knowing that after death you'll be eaten by maggots while rotting away, and your soul won't meet anyone or go to Heaven. That's hard. People need a reason to live, something to believe in. They can't accept that there's nothing after death, so they turn to religion.

For me, it's interesting as an idea that maybe there is something after like peace in The Master and Margarita. I like exploring different works that touch on these themes angels, demons, the whole aesthetic can be captivating. But I see it as fiction. Interesting lore to study, to immerse myself in. I doubt Heaven is waiting for me. Hell, probably and I definitely won't be alone there.

That said I do make wishes when I see matching numbers on a clock, or blow out candles. Not sure where that fits. I wouldn't say I don't believe in miracles at all part of me is curious and wants to believe I'll find something interesting, something mystical, that will free me from some real-life problem. Like Fran Bow or Sal Fisher.

3. Are you a popular person? Do people enjoy being in your presence? When talking to people about exciting or novel things, does it come easily to you?

Unpopular and calm. Quiet. I get louder and more noticeable around people I'm used to who I've spent a long time with. But I can't fully let loose or go wild with them it's uncomfortable, I don't feel like I fit in.

I'm often off in my own head, not expecting to attract anyone's attention. But when someone does notice me. It touches me, makes me shy. People have said I'm pleasant, cool. I don't judge them, I try to help, I bail them out if they ask or even if they don't if they've become close to me. I think at least some of the people close to me find me comfortable to be around. But I can't read minds.

It's easy for me to talk to people about my interests like a series, a character (I will defend Frontman until death) sharing theories, my thoughts. But I've noticed I get nervous doing it. My insides go cold, my hands start trembling a bit. Maybe because it touches me. it's something internal, and I'm pushing it outward. It's uncomfortable. After saying something like that I kind of want to hide. I like it when people can build on the conversation, but at the same time my anxiety kicks in. I love the Resident Evil game series. About two months ago a girl from my group came up to me and said she had no one to talk about the new Requiem with so let's talk. It was…I don't know. Pleasant. Awkward. Scary. Embarrassing? A weird feeling inside, hard to describe. I talked, but it didn't feel natural or open for me. Still, it was flattering that she came to me, that it was my interest, and I could talk about it.

4. Are you a productive person? Can you say that you are good at finishing draining projects?

I'm not sure how to objectively rate my own productivity. I'm avoidant. I don't like activities where I have to interact with people a lot and then listen to their criticism especially if they're picky and not the most pleasant people. I don't follow plans or instructions strictly, though I can try. Overall, I tend to look for workarounds l to stress less and free up time faster so I can go back to things I actually enjoy. Draining projects drain me. So I want to dump them as fast as possible, finish them somehow just to be done or find someone else to do them. I'll offload them onto someone if they don't mind and it's not too rude of me. I'll give up entirely if a project demands too much and I can't be bothered spending time on something so uninteresting. I get distracted easily no matter what I'm doing. I'll go take a nap or read a notification that a black widow's venom is fifteen times stronger than a rattlesnake's. So I'd say I'm pretty random. What I will finish with quality is what I'm actually interested in.

5. Are you prone to action? How do you deal with things unfolding differently than you would like them to? What factors do you consider when a situation is unacceptable to you? How loose are your criteria for feeling like everything is going optimally?

I don't think so. I seem to myself often absent not exactly prone to action. That takes effort. If things go differently than I'd like I freeze. That might sound strange, but it's true. I need to leave. I disappear into my thoughts, processing the situation. I need to be alone. To actually act, I need someone to push me someone to lead the way or shove me from behind. I'm not sure how I feel about being pulled and dragged into action. I think there can be some inspiration in that. Anxiety is a given. On some kind of autopilot, I feel like I'm doing things while also not really being there. I can put things off for a long time, especially if the person involved is unpleasant and pressuring. There's a coursework I need to submit to a deeply uncomfortable woman very picky, strict, arrogant. And I'm stalling. I've already missed the deadline, but I still haven't brought it in. I don't want to listen to her, even though I know time isn't on my side and I should go submit it.

A situation is unacceptable to me if I'm treated rudely, pressured, not heard or understood, criticized harshly, yelled at. Then I just want to leave, stop trying, retreat into myself. That's a red flag. Everything is optimal when things are calm. When I don't make serious mistakes. When tasks get checked off, the minimum threshold is met. When no one criticizes me. When no one is screaming or laughing loudly around me.

Describe your relation to authority and how you act when things go unfavorably for you in a social situation. Think about professional environments.

Authorities are often wrong and can treat lower-ranked people with disdain sometimes acting arrogantly. I've seen that. But they can also be competent and courteous, making you want to work with them. It depends on the person. I approach them with suspicion, trying to figure out which category a given authority figure falls into to understand my options, how working with them would go, what to do with them. When things go against me in a social situation, I try to defuse it with a joke. Or I freeze slightly again, wanting to teleport to my room. I feel awful in those moments exposed and awkward. I think the reaction is the same in professional environments as anywhere else. Except that sometimes you have to keep yourself together in responsible situations and try to act, to find a way out. That said, I can also be the only one who answers loudly and clearly to a pushy, unpleasant person. That reaction sometimes surprises even me. It comes from principle. Even if I'm scared and uncomfortable I don't want to let that person feel superior or think everyone's afraid of them. But of course I'm not always like that.

6. When engaging with complex factual data, how do you react to a high and unfamiliar difficulty level? Do you find enjoyment when digesting difficult information? Some say knowledge is power — how do you relate to this statement?

I can be interested, but if it gets too hard I put it aside. Maybe I'll come back later. Maybe not. I enjoy it when the information comes together into a beautiful picture, not when I have to force myself through boring text and suffocating requirements. I absorb things much better through discussion with others or through practice. Hard information can be okay to try, but I'm not that meticulous, I won't dig for thirty days where progress is minimal. Although sometimes, out of pure stubbornness, I keep trying getting a little angry if it doesn't work.

Yes, I think the statement is true. You can acquire random knowledge that ends up being useful in life you never know. But I don't feel like I actively search for information for five hundred years. Maybe it's just something I do unconsciously catching things I remember, things I'm passionate about from my interests. When that kind of knowledge comes in handy, it's situational. I prefer languages, literature, psychology stuff like that.

Describe your preferred way of gathering information.

I prefer getting information visually through showing. Visual is my strongest. Audio is the hardest I get lost. I often write things down like math problems that you're supposed to solve in your head, but I need to see them.

7. Are there any hierarchies that you care about? Do you trust yourself to get to the top if you so desire? Did you ever feel like you had some inherent talent that others lacked? How often do you engage in disputes about worldviews?

The hierarchy in my educational institution, teacher-student, head student-regular student. I'm not a hardcore fan of hierarchies, though I do think about them. I wouldn't mind not being at the bottom. I think it's possible I could reach the top if I wanted to but with difficulty. It would be hard because I don't like pressure and stress. You'd need to put in a lot of effort, spend time on things that might not be as interesting as my favorite, comfortable activities. On one hand, the idea is appealing being important, having meaning in the hierarchy, being special somehow. But that translates into reality where it's not so easy to achieve, and the idea itself seems more attractive than the implementation.

Yes, I've definitely felt like I had a talent others lack. I still feel smart, educated, successful compared to my friends or close ones. Though I'm not sure it's entirely true. That feeling flatters me maybe it's called superiority or something, but that doesn't mean I see others as lesser. It's more a sense of identity, a certain particularity that I like.

I don't think I engage in disputes about worldviews more about statements that seem meaningless to me, when I can't understand how someone doesn't want to see past their own nose. Other people's worldviews aren't my business as long as their views don't affect me or get in my way.

Elaborate on how you fit into society at large.

I don't really feel like I fit in. I see myself as individual, even detached. I keep to myself until I get used to a place and feel like the people are comfortable. Even then, when I'm with them, I can still feel like a black sheep though that's a bit dramatic. I often don't know or feel sure about what to do or how to behave. I don't want to look like an idiot, ruin everything, become a target or someone others wouldn't want to help. That's both disadvantageous and unpleasant.

8. Think of your favorite thing in the world. It could be an object, a person, or even an idea. What came to your mind first? Do you think that everyone should feel the same way? Do you care enough to actively strive toward attaining said thing?

I had to think. Fantasies. My fantasies about another life in another world with other people. I actually did a similar exercise with my therapist last week we had to put important life components into circles. In the center were my fantasies, music, and social media where I read and discuss my interests. I believe everyone would come up with something different it depends on personal experience and desires. I think I'm constantly striving to stay in the comfort zone of my thoughts and fantasies, so yes I do care about this.

Explain whether or not these kinds of things are important to attain.

They're important if you need them. For me yes, these things are important. But that's my own business, and people don't always understand it. My important things make me live. Make me enjoy life.

9. When communicating with others, what is your preferred medium? Do you prefer texting, talking, expressing, or something else? How do you share most of your ideas with others?

Overall I prefer texting. I feel less awkward face-to-face with someone when I can type. I have time to think, to step away, to respond better without messing up. I like writing in general. I get nervous and might say too much in person it's not always comfortable for me. I like communication where there's no judgment. Where you can joke, think, dream without seriously intending to do anything. Where you're not afraid of your words being taken the wrong way. Comfort is very important to me. And that I'm talking to someone I've already grown at least a little close to. Mostly I share things situationally if I have the desire, which isn't always there. And I dump my thoughts in a wall of text or conversation, but only with my closest person. In general, I seem more restrained in my thoughts. I speak them if I feel safe.

Hi. So I’m kind of broken right now. Honestly, I don’t see myself as someone who finds it easy to figure things out, that’s exactly why I can’t figure out my type. The thing is I’m stuck between two types. I read about the differences, the functions, the positions, but overall both seem to fit and not fit at the same time. But I have a feeling that apart from these two, I’m probably not any other type. I’d be really grateful if you could help me. I hope I don’t come across as pushy or anything. I feel like this post is long, so consider this a warning.

I’ve read about both types. I think I understand them in a general way, but in both cases there are certain things that don’t add up, things that feel fundamental to me. I think one of the problems is that I don’t really understand myself very well as a person. That’s something I ran into when I first started studying typologies. Maybe another problem is that I fantasize a lot. My fantasies are almost as important as real life. And in those fantasies, I imagine myself as a different person. So my fantasies don’t always match reality, and that throws me off. If you asked me to describe myself and my traits, I’d pull out a few words and then the conversation would probably shift to a TV show I like or a story from my life. What I know about myself at this point isn’t much and it’s the result of long self-analysis and deliberate thinking. It didn’t come to me naturally. And even then, much of what I can say about myself are markers like melancholic as a temperament type. My favorite color only appeared recently and that too is a product of my own reflection. I started thinking about it and trying to find «my» color. From what I’ve read, EIIs don’t usually have this kind of problem because of Fi, which gives them the ability to more easily determine their likes and dislikes as well as their own traits.

I look for identity outside of myself through my actions and through the words of people around me. My best friend tends to find characters in shows and movies that remind her of me. She sees me as smart, successful, intellectually developed, well‑read and educated. That’s why she said I remind her of Sang‑woo from Squid Game and Lip Gallagher from Shameless. And I get attached to those associations. I’m interested in how others perceive me though I don’t necessarily agree with everything and sometimes I even want to get rid of certain traits that I don’t like if they’re noticeable. And honestly, I don’t want that perception my best friend has of me to collapse, because then I’d completely lose the thread of my own identity. At the same time, I think I’m pretty good at evaluating others putting them into stereotypes or boxes in my head. Like, this woman is a kind professor who won’t punish you for being late, she’s easy to be around in class. And this other one, she’s an arrogant fish who treats students condescendingly and thinks she’s above everyone else. Better be careful with her. Maybe her life is limited to work, nothing else, nowhere to assert herself or breathe fresh air. Although sometimes I feel like I put people in a box but can’t really describe them beyond that even my best friend I could describe in just a couple of sentences, without any fluff.

I feel weak, even though I desperately don’t want to appear that way. I think in certain situations I can overdo it with aggression or something like that if I see and feel that my boundaries aren’t being respected. It might look a bit strange from the outside and to the people I act that way with, I probably come across as rude and heartless. Se PoLR? EIIs are supposed to be hardworking and honest in their work, following the rules. But I’m a cheater. Always bending things, lazy, always looking for quicker and easier ways to solve things that don’t interest me in school or work. I’m a procrastinator who loves putting things off "I won’t do anything right now, I’ll just sit in my daydreams with my headphones on and tomorrow there’ll be a break between classes, I can do it then, leave me alone for now". IEI? I don’t like working a lot or wasting time on subjects or tasks that don’t interest me, time I could spend reading something I actually enjoy. I don’t like fighting or insisting on things for a long time. But at the same time, I can be pushy and raise my voice if the situation calls for it if someone argues with me about a topic they know nothing about or if someone in my family starts saying nonsense, I can take charge and even cross a line as I’ve been told. My main dream is to be free, to not have to deal with the stress of human contact and other people’s demands and expectations. Just to stay at home and live in comfort, daydreaming a lot, regretting that I can’t be in the world where I like to spend my time in my fantasies. I don’t really have any ambitions. I don’t actively strive for anything. I don’t like it when a goal is too far away, because I might give up halfway if I get too tired or if it feels too long and tedious. I’m not a fan of sticking to strict rules. What rules? Someone’s must or must not just because it’s written that way, because it’s implied when reality clearly doesn’t play by those rules? It’s written on paper, but it carries no meaning for the current situation, where nothing will ever happen as perfectly and neatly as someone wanted or imagined. There are always alternatives, always possibilities, always random factors, circumstances, human nature, things that won’t let the written word come true.

I get irritated when people around me shout, laugh loudly, yell, get emotional. Especially in my family. To me, that’s just stupid, and I want to cover my ears with my hands. I’m not saying I’m a robot, I can joke, laugh, use facial expressions, but I’m not someone who does that non‑stop or wears their mood on their face. I just don’t welcome the expression of strong emotions in public. I prefer to keep things to myself. It’s personal, not public property. This is stupid, but I often have thoughts when someone argues with me that this person isn’t my equal, that they shouldn’t talk to me like that. I unconsciously start thinking about my achievements, my grades, my intellectual abilities (which I do believe in), where I study, how I got there. All of that. It’s like I want to say "know your place" when someone crosses my boundaries. But honestly, that feels like overkill and kind of strange. I don’t know if this relates to anything, but since I found this trait in myself, I’ll mention it just in case.

From what I’ve seen in descriptions, EIIs find it hard to argue their position when it’s based on personal feelings, so they might give in. But I don’t see that in myself. I think I build logical chains quite actively, I can come up with an explanation, an argument, pretty easily. And that argument doesn’t rely on "this is just right" like in those descriptions. I had an acquaintance once, and we got into an argument out of nowhere. I’d say she’s a pretty strong Fi user. At the time she kept appealing to "this is wrong, saying it out loud several times, while I was trying to understand what she meant. She said that living off your parents after eighteen is wrong. But before that age they supported you. And now you’re a student who can’t live independently because you have no money, no job, no experience, and you need to study. Besides that, which I think is already a reasonable explanation for living with your parents, there are also different situations that cause people to do so. This came back to me while I was reading that post about EII. I also believe in the individuality of people and fair treatment, not equating everyone to one.

Could someone explain how these two types actually work so that I can finally figure out who I am? Because right now I keep swinging between EII and IEI. And sorry again if this post is messy or if I’m misinterpreting the functions in these types.